My dad hung himself on March 18th, 2013. Actually it could have been the 19th no one is exactly sure. It was my spring break and I was at the beach with a few of my friends and my girlfriend. I didn’t find out til that Thursday which I think was the 21st. My phone had been dead for a day or two and I didn’t bother to charge it, I guess I didn’t think anything important was going to happen. I finally charged and turned off my phone and saw that I had received a text from my rabbi and a woman in my […]
July 2013
People always say that I am the best to have around I am their best friend. They don’t know I am only good at being so amazing because I am numb. I feel no pain, I used. to have bad depression smile all day, cry all night now I just fight my anxiety. That’s the only emotion I feel besides dead. I keep myself here for my husband and kids cause they need me. I just worry that my anxiety will kill me before I do.
I saw my therapist today yipfuckingyee… she doesnt understand anything, its so hot and i feel as if everyone is screaming at me, even the little sounds sound like freak explosions, i dont feel suicidal just more attached to pain and mutilation, why do i still plot my inevitable suicide anyways? Ive just become obsessed with the idea of suicide as of late. Nothing can change my mind, besides getting expelled from school, having shit grades, and seeing/ trusting no one, everything seems gross. Masturbation is possibly the only relief i get from this gross thought process. I wish someone would kill me now because […]
I can’t believe I let my manipulating ex back into my life! All he does is use me. My best friend/sister has been gone for over a month and I have no one else. I was weak and vulnerable, and he took advantage of me.
My family, needless to say, notice nothing. My dad is too busy with work, my step mother is a self ***** and my grandparents and aunt prefer my younger cousins over me. My mother hasn’t tried to contact me sine Christmas 2011.
The pain is eating at my insides, but I have no way to let it out. I used to cut […]
I don’t understand why I feel pain like this. It’s completely unbearable. Two years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression. i’ve spent these last two years in therapy and searching everywhere for something to make me feel better. I’ve tried therapy, ten different anti-depression drugs, hypnosis, acupuncture, acupressure.. the list goes on and on. on top that i’m victim to horrible anxiety attacks that can strike at any moment without warning, i usually get about two or three a day. they make me curl up into a ball and wait to die. my family has abandoned me because i cause everyone around me pain […]
someone said we are all destined for greatness
then why is the world this why today
wouldn’t they have realized they were
“destined for greatness”
looking deeper into the meaning of the phrase
we are all destined to be the greatness of our capability
she could not help that she was brought up into a family with enough money for one school outfit
though no one knew she had the voice of an angel and could be a famous singer
but instead she died at 19 in gang shooting
he was not a piano prodigy
his parents paid for the countless hours of practice so […]
She got up and grabbed her things. Escaped to some empty common room, opened her laptop, and methodically pulled that hairband against her wrist.
“Haha you know you shouldn’t do that, it could hurt haha,” some guy says, nodding at her wrist. She smiles up to him and nods slightly. He moves away and she goes back to snapping the hairband. She holds back tears and swallows deeply. She turns on her laptop and reads sad stories, all the while tugging at that damn hairband. People wander past, but none even glance her way. She is alone, lost, forgotten. Her phone buzzes, waking her up from […]
I feel nothing for myself. No pity for all the pain. No hope that things will get better. No nothing. There is nothing inside me anymore telling me to live. There is nothing holding me back from saying bye to this world and the the people who live on it. Because the people that live on this world the ones who created me, the ones who see me everyday, the ones who say they are here for me, the ones that are supposed to care about me but don’t, make me not care either. It only seems right that if I feel nothing that I […]
its not the same but its getting more familiar and easier. its hard to forget the past when the past is so painful and still fresh. every time i see her i think of that one post. So i pack another bowl and take another hit to forget it. But i swear her words are burned into my brain. I wish i could tell her but i feel like i would break down and thats the last thing i need. I need to be fine but im afraid its getting bad again.Â
Since I was seventeen I have suffered from an anxiety disorder so that’s four years now. It gets better then it gets worse. The constant up and down exhausts me so much. I have tried all types of treatments and I consider myself quite a worldly and wise person for my age. I have tried much self therapy and my own things to help with recovery but I have only gotten so far and fallen back in the hole that is my disorder. I have contemplated suicide numerous times but have never actually attempted it. I’m sick of it and I’m just tired so tired. […]
This Saturday, I’m going to a One Republic concert. I was really excited because I was bringing my best friend Kathrine and my other friend Morgan. Morgan and I used to be best friends, but she started ignoring me this year. In school, she would give me these short bullshit answers every time I tried to talk to her. We used to sit right next to each other, but she put two people between us. And then when we got home from school she would text me, acting as if she’d never done those things. So, I started ignoring her outside of school. She got […]
Is it wrong to leave suicde letters? Does it just make things worse when you are gone?
I do not understand why I keep coming back to this forum.. it is kind of morbid but its almost like being on this site makes me feel better when I get down. I read all these stories and they make me cry. But at the same time they give me some sort of comfort.
If this offends anyone. I do not mean to do so. Im only sharing my thoughts..
Going on here, I know I would never be able to commit suicide. I’m too much of a wimp to do it, and would only be able to do so purely on impulse depending on my mood and surroundings. But I still have suicidal thoughts. I don’t know why I’m here or what my purpose is for being here. I don’t belong anywhere. Ever since I was a child, I’ve felt like an outcast. I’ve never had a clique of friends I truly belonged to, and if there was, I wasn’t important enough to be invited to hang out, I was more the person they […]
Each day that I wake up I am just adding time onto my pain. I distract myself with T.V , this website and the internet to keep from killing myself. The urge is there. Sometimes I feel this deep rage inside me and a voice screams in my head “YOU NEED TO FUCKIN KILL YOURSELF” and I have to convince myself that the time isnt right now. Why am I lying to myself? I think is just the will to live. My heart, mind and spirit are all at war within me. My heart and mind says its over and this is the end but […]
To whomever reads this
I see a therapist to deal with my anxiety disorder that is heavily plagued with panic attacks and I am often ‘scared’ into a state of immobility where I cannot think move or breathe for short periods of time.
Anyway, we were discussing characteristics of what a person with anxiety exhibits and whether there are any common links. He had studied all his patients (and aside from other details he wasn’t able to release under confidentiality laws) he was able to tell me 64% of his patients were aquarius.
It is funny that this statistic exists. A profiling overview of an aquarius person states […]
I think I finnally understand why you people want to kill yourself and why my brother killed himself. I guess you have this image of what you want to be and a totally opposite image of what you think you are. You think about yourself in a very negative way and “all” you want is to be is perfect,so you would stop letting everybody down. And you just cant change. You stay the same negative person and you want to be positive more than ever. This gap between who you are and who you want to be is getting bigger and bigger until… Someone said, […]
So, I have been planning on suicide on the 3rd next month. People are telling me not too but, I literally can’t take the pain anymore. I cut last night and I was clean for more than 3 months! But, anyways here’s my pointless story..
So, Last year. ‘8-3-12’ I kinda thought I was in love.
About a couple months into our relationship it was getting a little depressed.
The guy, Jt, told me he loved me everything and then a couple days later,
He just left me and told me everything was getting taken away from him,
his phone,ps3, home phone, etc.
So, I said […]
“6. An artist’s relation to suicide:
– Suicide is a crime against life
– An artist should not commit suicide
– An artist should not commit suicide
– An artist should not commit suicide “
(Marina Abramovic, ‘An Artist’s Life Manifesto’)
Let’s create, then. Let’s protect ourselves from death by becoming artists.
I am scared that I will kill myself one of these days.
I am a Christian. I was raised in an environment that told me suicide is a sin (the whole suicide is the murder of oneself, and murder is a no-no).
I am an immigrant. My parents emigrated from their birth place so I could have a better future. I’m tired of being such a failure to them. I know that I’ve fallen way short from their expectations and I feel like I’ve failed them when they’ve placed so much hope in me. I feel like I’m a waste of space, a financial drain on them. […]