So, I have been planning on suicide on the 3rd next month. People are telling me not too but, I literally can’t take the pain anymore. I cut last night and I was clean for more than 3 months! But, anyways here’s my pointless story..
So, Last year. ‘8-3-12’ I kinda thought I was in love.
About a couple months into our relationship it was getting a little depressed.
The guy, Jt, told me he loved me everything and then a couple days later,
He just left me and told me everything was getting taken away from him,
his phone,ps3, home phone, etc.
So, I said my goodbye and I like cried for hours and I decided to cut.
So I did, that’s when I first started to self harm.
I was happier when I got to cut,
I felt relaxed.
I decided to text Jt again 4 months later after the incident from a different number.
(We called each other batman and bat girl and that’s pretty much how I express my feelings about him.[I buy batman designed clothing..])
When I texted him my text was “Who is this? My contacts got switched around?”
He replied as “JT.”
I got frustrated and didn’t reply for a while,
so he texted again, “Who’s this?”
I was still a little frustrated so I texted back this,
“Oh you know, your bat girl you obviously never loved. Screw you.”
He didnt reply, I’m guessing he got scared or something,
But, once people in public found out I cut they called me an attention whore, slut, *****, and told me
to kill myself because no one would care.
I took some of my sleeping pills and I swallowed them. I got really tired and I decided to write my
suicide note to my parents, not like they would notice if I were gone.
I was really surprised when I awoke the next morning.
I went to school and everyone was pretty much laughing at me 24/7 so I went to my counselor.
I told my counselor about how I swallowed those pills last night.
She called 911 and drove me to the hospital.
This was the first time my parents found out I was suicidal.
Everynight after that I’d try again and again and again.
I still haven’t succeeded, sadly.
I always try to drown myself, cut myself deeper, take more pills and more pills.
I mean, even right now I feel like committing.
I feel like walking in the middle of a free way to get killed by someone else,
so it at least looks like an accident.
My bestfriend, Nate, the one person who doesn’t want me to leave him by suicide knows everything.
My other friend, Grace, she tried cutting but she said she’d never do it again.
My other other friend, Breanna, she cuts, but she is trying to stop because if she cuts, her boyfriend
does,too.
My whole school knows I cut, starve, and that i want to suicide my way to victory.
How do I know this?
I was in science class,
The kid next to me, Brandon, saw my wrists.
I saw he noticed and hid them with my sleeves.
He said to show him my wrist and I did,
He asked what happened and I knew saying my cat wouldn’t cut it.
So I told him I went through a lot of depression.
He told his friends(the ‘popular’ guy group) and they teamed up and told new people.
And those people told others and they all began to bully me,
even my ‘friends’ left me behind.
I cut deeper and more “on my vein”
I started real counseling because my parents took me to one.
They haven’t been taking me the past 2 months and I have no idea why.
I was suppose to get my depression pills last week,
Anyways, I think this is long enough for a story so I’ll tell you my bio and get out of here..
Hi, I’m Skyanna Marie,
I sing and play piano and guitar.
I have been told I write professional stories.
My teachers tell me they can see my book on their shelves at home.. but you know, they’re teachers.
I can’t go up to places alone in public…. SO I HAVE to have a friend or family member with me.
I cry in public most of the time, don’t ask why I just do.
Uhm. I own a cat c: And My cat is the thing that has helped me the most with my depression
at least it doesn’t leave. (her name is thunder bolt)
When you first see me. You’ll probably think I’m a really happy human being,
But, I’m not.
A lot of my ‘friends’ tell me I am really pretty… and yeah.
I do ‘good’ in school… I guess….. I’m ‘smart’
And one more thing, the person that ‘likes’ me most, leaves me first..
1 comment
I’m sorry for your problems, specially with JT. But really, just like you texted him: screw you jt! That Batman now will fight crime on his own.
About 3 years ago I made my last suicide attempt. I tried to kill myself using pills too and I know how waking up later is the worst feeling ever. And I felt like I had a hole in my stomach, ugh.
I was addictited to cutting trhu basically all my teen years. I only tried to stop when I turned 18, and its been almost 3 years now and I just failed a few times. The last time I failed was on my last birthday. I made this deep cut on my thight and now I have another ugly scar to remind me of that day.
No one knew because all my cuts were hidden (never on my wrists or arms).
Really, cutting makes us relax and makes up calm, I understand you. But it can become a huge problem at the end, so keep it in mind. It’s good that you have friends that understand and listen to you, just avoid telling others classmates about your problems because they can make your life worst.
I hope you can find peace.
PS: I love cats and I play the piano but I’m not very good at it I guess.