Painful

I don’t understand why I feel pain like this. It’s completely unbearable. Two years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression. i’ve spent these last two years in therapy and searching everywhere for something to make me feel better. I’ve tried therapy, ten different anti-depression drugs, hypnosis, acupuncture, acupressure.. the list goes on and on. on top that i’m victim to horrible anxiety attacks that can strike at any moment without warning, i usually get about two or three a day. they make me curl up into a ball and wait to die. my family has abandoned me because i cause everyone around me pain too. everyone i get close to. my mother told me that it’s my fault her life is awful and that i should kill myself. my dad thinks that showing any kind of sad emotion makes you a ***** so that’s all i ever hear and my sister has been raised to agree with my mother so she wants nothing to do with me. When i look to the future all i see is more agony and i cannot continue to live like this. fighting depression has been like fighting with a piece of my own consciousness. how do you fight an enemy that’s completely in your head? it’s gotten so bad that i don’t even have the ability to force myself to do simple tasks anymore. it takes all my will just to do one school assignment let alone seven classes worth every single day. I’m so so tired. Truthfully i’m exhausted. I always wanted to live a happy life but that no longer seems anywhere near possible. I feel a pain deep down in my chest all the time that never goes away, like its part of my soul. i don’t know why i posted this here, just wanted to share my story i guess. it needed to be told at one point i suppose.