boredom

before , I would always say that I was bored doing something from time to time .looking back from now I realize that I diddnt know a thing about being bored.now in my current life I am always bored…its kind of difficut to explain. I am emotionally numb except for those weird moments where I feel sadness.sometimes I feel so sad that I want to cry but I cant. I cant cry, most of my laughter is false and other emotions just arent there.without my emotions ,I am just a soulless body and that is why my current life is so damn boring. I wake up and I see the same things and feel the same way about them. on the rare occasion I do something different , I don’t get surprised it really like I am a soulless body.
being this bored and boring is starting to take a toll on me I always thought about suicide as a way to escape this boredom. like many others ,I tried to cut myself before.I actually felt like I was existing. for once I felt scared and pussied out of harming myself completely. the knife left a few scratches. after that all I feel is fear for the future( my life is a lot more complicated than this) along with my numbness. nowadays, I just fall in and out of depression. its stressing. I’m too young for this.