Nobody Fucking Understands Me

Hello, I’m portuguese, I’m fourteen years old, and I have pretty much whatever a fourteen-year-old kid would want: I have a PlayStation, a PSP, my own laptop, but I still feel like I have nothing.

My parents had a divorce when I was just eight years old, so my mum is allways saying bad things abou my dad, but on the few times, that my dad calls me, to ask if I want to go lunch with him, he never says anything bad about my mum, and that really makes me angry with my mum.

But I don’t think that it was it that makes me feel frustrated about myself, it’s probably because I wear glasses and braces, and to fuck up the little part of me that still feels happy, I’m a stutterer, and everyone in my class makes fun of me.

I feel like nothing in my life has any meaning or purpose, I can’t understand why I feel this way, I’m at the peak of adolescence, I should probably feel happy, I should probably be going out with my friends, except that: I have on friends.

I spend the whole day in my laptop, playing stupid online games with people I don’t konw, pretending I’m someone fucking else, I have to play stupid games with people I don’t know, because at least those people don’t know me, and because they don’t know me, they can’t make fun of me, besides that, I hate myself for doing that, but it’s the only way I can make the so called “friends”.

I don’t know what to do, my life has no joy, my life sucks, why the fuck was I born a fucking HUMAN ?

If it were up to me, I would have stayed where I was, where wouldn’t think, wouldn’t exist, wouldn’t cry.

I hate these rage moments, I just don’t understand why do people feel happy, we are ALL going to DIE, everything I do, it’s just to pass the time until I die, we are all just waiting to die, so, what’s the point of existing ? It’s like opening a jar, of something that we aren’t going to eat.

What The Fuck Is The Meaning Of My Life ?

Sometimes I like to imagine that I’m happy, but then, the bad feelings come, and I start thinking, why am I imagining something that will never happen ? Why ?

Yes I do smile, and yes, I do laugh sometimes, but moments fly…

Try to do this, close your eyes, now think of a good moment that you had, now open your eyes, Is that moment there ?

Please answer this question for me: Has anything you’ve done, made your life better ?

My answer is: NO

My life sucks, I’m trash, I can’t find happyness in my life, or in anything I do.

I hate everyone, why ? Beacause people are stupid, I’m Stupid.