I guess this group isn’t much for me. I see a lot of suicidal people on here and I get angry. I thought there would be more stories of triumph and survival. Or how being here after a loved one suicided has made you stronger. This should be something of support. Why doesn’t anyone want that? I read some of these posts and I wonder why they say the things they do. A cry for help? What kind of immediate help can they get on here where we don’t know a thing about them or their struggle. Is it just to re-traumatize those who have experienced a suicide? It’s one thing to express your sadness but some of this is just so pitiful. If you want help go out and get it. There are more strangers out in the flesh there willing to listen if you feel you have no one else.
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“I thought there would be more stories of triumph and survival.”
What on earth would make you think that?
“This should be something of support. Why doesn’t anyone want that?”
What makes you think they don’t? (though i certainly see some indications of this myself) I think it has something to do with people getting frustrated when they realize they don’t have the kind of help someone actually needs, and the fact that the people who actually need help, are tired of wasting time entertaining so-called “solutions,” which have repeatedly proven irrelevant to their circumstances, or are just inherently outrageous to begin with.
“Is it just to re-traumatize those who have experienced a suicide?”
Usually not. But, this is the internet: beware of trolls, and people with wildly different perspectives.
“It’s one thing to express your sadness but some of this is just so pitiful.”
Couldn’t agree more.
“If you want help go out and get it.”
Agree here too.
“There are more strangers out in the flesh there willing to listen if you feel you have no one else.”
My own experiences show this to be quite false… or irrelevant.
Lots of people are “willing to listen,” but will quickly tire of listening, and the act itself of listening, is often quite far removed from the act of being able to offer any meaningful help.
Most people don’t understand that you have to get to the source and have a realistic and clear view of a problem, before you can understand its causes, before you can devise an adequate or most effective solution. Most tend to expect so-called “help,” to just immediately work, when their brand of “help” is not even relevant, or is doomed to be entirely ineffective. And if someone who needs help sees this and realizes that the type of “help” the “helper” wants to offer, isn’t actually going to help… then the “helper” usually then reverts to not listening, diminishing the person’s problems, and making all sorts of accusations about how “they just don’t want help.” In reality, they do want help… it’s just that no one is offering the help they need, and most simply default to insisting that their “help” should help, without ever understanding the problem they’re trying to help with.
addendum:
“Willing” and “Able” are two different things, and don’t overlap as often as they are needed. It’s hard to find those whose characteristics overlap in such a way.
Many are willing but unable.
Many are able but unwilling.
Few have both, and the problems outnumber the solutions.
Therefore: it is paramount to take the lead in your own problems, because it’s very likely you, yourself, are the only one who can understand them well enough to know which solutions will be most effective, or whether any sufficient solutions can exist at all.
Maybe you should stick around..and show us that inspiration this site is missing? It doesn’t seem like you fit in here but maybe you are a missing piece of this puzzle.
Can you tell us any stories where you have triumphed over the opposition of life?
You can read through what posts I have left if you want.. Then tell me if my view point is “survival” oriented enough for you.
@RT:
Check her bio. Read her posts. Her story is what i would call “rather harsh,” though i’m sure others have had worse. That’s not “diminishing,” it’s just reality. Things can indeed be worse than finding your S.O. in their own messy conclusion. Life can be profoundly horrible at times, and many encounter such circumstances not caused by their own choosing.
@fantasia:
Being the only flickering candle in an ocean of oblivion is a huge burden to bear. Some of us can indeed appreciate how difficult it must be for you.
Some people come here to vent, being able to open up and be anonymous helps. If anything just writing and sharing and reading stories of people who are in a similar position is enough to keep going. This website personally almost saved my life. So please don’t come all high and mighty telling people to go out and seek help in the real world. Where i’m from you don’t get no help, people can’t afford to eat or have food or shelter.
Misery loves company (and attention). This is very much a place where most people don’t really want to get better. Lots of young members just being melodramatic. You’d probably be better searching for an online suicide support group for friends and relatives who have known someone who committed. Support groups will look at how to get better. This is just a journal site for mopes.
@riverrun:
and overly pessimistic misanthropes.
I disagree with the emphatic want for attention, but i don’t think all instances of it deserve to be demonized.
On the other hand, perhaps you’re right, to say “most people don’t want to /get/ better.”
I would surmise they want to BE better, without the requirement of going through the process to get there. I won’t lie: it’s hard. I’m not there yet, myself. Most are not equipped for the journey, and that may not be entirely their fault, or their intention.
If this wasn’t a group for stories of survival why is there a category for it? I made a video about how I survived my suicidal thoughts. Most of you probably don’t care. And I’m not coming in high and mighty asking you to get help. I care enough to tell you that you should. I wouldn’t want anyone, not even my biggest enemy to go through half of what I did.
“If this wasn’t a group for stories of survival why is there a category for it?”
Maybe i missed it, but did someone say it wasn’t?
And just because there can be other purposes, categories, and reasons for posting, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share your story for your reasons.
The fact that not everyone will appreciate or even care about your struggles, is a part of life; not just the internet, not just this site.
That comment you just made about “not even my biggest enemy,” indicates, to me, that you just haven’t had any serious enemies yet. I hope it stays that way for you. Try not to waste your compassion on those who actively disregard it.
I don’t know if you thought i was or wasn’t, but i’m not someone who objects to you posting here. And i don’t think you should leave, just because some people might disagree or dislike something you post, or challenge or contend with something you say.
I read your story, more than once, actually. I am of the opinion that you have just as much claim to a place here as anyone else. You just probably see some things a bit differently than a lot of the others.
I think it’s not usually about people not wanting help, but rather not wanting the wrong help. Sometimes, those trying to help, don’t realize they’re doing it wrong. That’s a source of frustration for both parties.