Hello, new people of the SuicideProject.
My name is Ryan, but you can just call me RealTalk30, or RealTalk, or RT3, or just RT. I am 31 years old and I live in California USA. I’ve been frequenting this web site for about 4 months now, and I’ve become a regular here. I’ve met some really amazing people here, and it’s unfortunate that such amazing people can be so alone, scared and angry. We all have our reasons for being here. My reason for being here is that there is no other place for my selective opinions, not too many places like this one where I can relate with people who find life to be as meaningless and as cruel as I have found life to be in the past.
I am not suicidal, nor do I desire to be ever again. I have attempted suicide a few times in the past and have lived some what on the edge of existence for a long time. I live my life by a few rules, which consist of: 1) always live with a purpose, however small that might be. 2) never care what others think or say, stay true to what you know and believe. 3) and lastly, never commit to a belief, always be flexible in how you live and view your life. But of course I welcome you to throw out all I just wrote based on the fact that in life, there are no rules to being happy. It’s whatever it takes to make it happen. And to have the confidence and integrity to see life all the way to the end, a natural end.
Am I without my own problems? No!
I have been living with a degenerative spine disorder for most my life, which causes pain through out my body all the time, especially when I sit in a car or lay down. Trust me, I’ve wanted to die more than anything in this world. I just want the pain to stop. This is what I mean when I say I understand what you are going through. I’ve also been alone for many years, but in recent years I’ve managed to find the love of my life, and for that I am thankful. But it took a lot of searching and floods of tears, and many years to find what I’ve been looking for. I could never imagine how life could change in an instant. Which is why I am here, telling you, begging you to hold on. Hang in there, because life can and will change in a heart beat. It’s how you handle that change, that will make the difference between living the life you want to live and putting up with the one you live now. Just remember (if you don’t remember anything else) that the longer you hide yourself from the world the longer it will take to gain control over your life and your happiness. I know what it’s like to hide away from the world, family, friends and lovers, a career, etc. I know what it’s like to feel like you are only doing evil in this world, and that everyone would do better without you around.. But it simply isn’t true. If you take away your own life you take away from what makes this life worth living.. Understanding! It’s what you take with you when you kill yourself, you take away that person the rest of us have to relate with. You leave us with a world full of people that will never understand. Our numbers are shrinking faster than this world can let us down. It’s your heart beat that matters most! When you die, we all die a bit more on the inside..our dreams, our reasoning, our future, and the battle for good falls another step behind.
I am here to make sure you know that this site has a stronger conviction than it lets on. There is a strength that urges inside of every last one of you. The urge to live and be free, with the strength and knowledge of the ages to overcome doubt, fear, folly and ignorance. We must break the cycle of evil, and that all starts here.
We are the prophets of our own right, a brighter light that peers through the darkness. And we see you..
Come join us!
“We must break the cycle of evil,
and that all starts here” — I agree.
I really liked this post, Ryan 😛
I’m Mayana but you all can call me May or Tristeza, from Brazil.
And before you die you have to be friends with me.
I’d comment more though I just took my sleeping pills!
lol trust me, I wanted to keep writing too but I didn’t want people to get too intimidated by a long read! 😉
Wow…I seriously have no words…I wish there were more people like you in the world and on SP, you’ve always seemed like an awesome person by your comments but I believe this is the only post of yours I’ve actually read. I’m Jamie, 22, from South Carolina, it’s nice to meet you. “Officially”
You’re very thoughtful Ryan. You too May.
And you, Jamie.
Aye, it’s RT! 🙂
I’m only passing by, but it’s good to see you. To all: come join us ‘regulars’ we’re some weird-ass motherfuckers, but we don’t bite. Except Procel, he’s what some would call ‘the missing link’
Oh thank you Fro-not-so-zen, by the way I love your UN ^_^
My middle name is ryan! 🙂 cool name…. although I hate my first name so I won’t say it I’ll just stick with Ryan2 or painNlife doesn’t matter but great post
@PainNLife, your first name can’t be THAT bad? Right?
its not that bad I just hate it ….. It means penis…. the jokes in grade school made me hate being named “*******”
🙁 I’m sorry…that sucks…I can’t say my name is that bad but my initials are BJ backwards and I’ve been picked on for that so I kind of understand, it didn’t help that I was always pretty nerdy…
Thank you :). I had to scrap a lot of rough drafts to really dial in a clever username to get my online persona just right. I’ve seen your posts and have never commented, but I am sorry for your loss. Your child is fortunate to have a ceaselessly caring mother.
Hey Dick, yeh I’m talking to you PainnLife, how’s it going my brother?
Even Stendarr’s B is out tonight
My sleeping pills are probably placebo!! Thanks, Fro-not-so-zen! You’re very thoughtful yourself too.
@fro (I’m lazy so from now on I’m gonna call you that if its okay)
Thank you she’s my world and I try not to care sometimes cause sometimes it really sucks but it never works…I can honestly say I got my name from an old game I played when I was like 12/13 called smugglers run I’m not as creative as you. Fuuu
May! My lovely! I’m glad your back feeling any better???
@fro… LOL but you know…same old cycle nothing new…
@TFF Physically yeah! I am, thanks *HUG*…. I just emailed you my dear Jamie 😛
That’s just fine, it’s a PITA to write. And I’ve never heard of smuggler’s run, is it a computer game? I never got into video games. I got off to a rocky start with a game called Oregon trail when I was in like the 6th grade. My crew always died of dysentery early on so I kind of had it out for games ever since
Do you ever think about just up and moving?
@fro….man I wish I could….I just don’t have the means to do so ….I don’t even have the means to get the means to do so….Its just too much of a hassle at this point
You should never feel like you’re stuck in one place, even if you never go anywhere
Ryan, do not ever comit suicide or think of it.that s the devil tempting u. repent and he will flee from u fast !
OOPS….My bad RT30 I meant to post that on my post to mock the nut job on the site right now ….
Did I slip into a crazy hole? What’s going on all of a sudden? Pain- are you being sarcastic? lol
do not blasphem the lord all mighty ! he will strike yu all down! REPENT
Hey, watch where you point that thing!! You might turn some one to stone or something biblical like that! 😉
y do you try to mo ck me that s not funni its rude and mean when all i try to do is 2 pray 4 u all! suicide is not a way
it is bad way an Iwant 2 show u goodness so pray! REPENT
@RT30 LOL 😀
……what? lol you make no sense! Read my post if you are from a country that allows you to read books!
From the way it looks I don’t think books have been invented where he lives lol
What the fuck good does that do anyone anyways!! lol
Don’t answer that, I give no shit about your answer!
@pain- I’m seriously gonna stop entertaining this asshole soon! lol
pray4u has clearly no respect for others. he thinks he’s doing God’s work by imposing his beliefs on others. trying to create the impression that we’re all sinners and he’s a prophet of God. then he logs off SP, wanks off a couple times, goes to work and the cycle repeats itself. mr.preacher is all perfect and we’re the sinners right?
If you zoom in on this guys avatar, it looks like a KKK hooded mask with the point, only light red. lol
*religious troll comment edit* 😉
@RT30 I’m actually curious about where he lives English seems not to be his first language …. and its annoying trying to decipher what he/she is trying to say
u failed to take into consideration that not everyone believes what u believe.
I’m not saying i don’t believe in God. I do. I’m very spiritual. I communicate with the departed and know the importance of meditation. but do u see me going around telling me to meditate and practice hypnotherapy? u can’t go around telling ppl what to do. its disrespectful.
*religious troll comment edit* 😉
whatever u do please don’t get a job with a suicide hotline.
“suicidal girl calls and says, im depressed, im thinking of hanging myself
right now.” evangelical answers the call, “u need to repent for ur sins right now
or u will go to hell.”
LOL LOL LOL @RT30 Brilliant! we should always do that when morons come on the site
how di d you do that! i never said that thi s is cheatin g unfair! u all or messinG my ComeNts up n it not cool at all man. that s not right how u do that so i do it to u and u see how it feel!
😉 I always do! lol
@guyofagroup if he talks like he types then they won’t be able to understand him much anyways
@Troll- I could care less!!! LMFAO
no no it wasn waht I said so do th righ t thing and leave my word s Alone sir! I ask u nice to not do that cause it make me say som e words i never say!
Ok you’ve made your point! Bravo! Now… Bye! 😉
*troll comment edit* ðŸ˜´
LOL hahahahahaha aww man!…… I actually had a good laugh at that comment dude…..did you seriously threaten him with the police!?! LOL please call them and tell them a man named RT30 is slandering you online LOL and see what they tell you! hahaha aww man you’re the best troll by far I’ve never laughed that hard at ignorance and stupidity in a comment before…aww man
i’m sure pray4u has good intentions, he clearly means no harm. but he’s not the 1st evangelical i’ve come across. do u guys remember there was this viral youtube clown that called himself VenomFangX? he preached and preached, and then he started asking for donations to help fund his ongoing religious lectures. eventually he got in trouble with the law and made a public apology on youtube.
kind of reminds me of Peter Popoff. do u remember this scumbag? James Randy ends up debunking the Popoff mystery. Turns out that Poppof’s wife was secretly sending him info via ear piece. meanwhile the audience thought that Poppof was a psychic. turns out that him and his wife were defrauding ppl. Poppof drives an expensive sports car and lives in a huge mansion. need i say more?
I should have left that comment up because it was fucking funny as hell! lol oh well!
it true! I can call police n have them arrest him fo r what he is doing to my word s he is So afraid tha t he did it more! I will sue him if he keep doing so! all I hav 2 do is trace his IP to his house and send the local cops! online fraud is illegal in many place! don lie it is!
“Means no harm” he wants to send me to jail! lol
Aww RT30 you should have left that one up dude I think people would have gotten a nice laugh out of that one! the ignorance is just hilarious…
I don’t have an IP lol and that makes no sense. If the site allows me to do it of course it’s legal!
Stupid kids! lol
Ok I’ll leave that one up! lol 😉
this guy clearly has mental health issues so i think we should just leave him alone.
u cant convince a fool that he’s stirring shit inside the S.P tea cup.
I am no frau d I never ask u or nobody 4 money have i? don lie! because u kno i haven. and I will contact pOlice to get him u act like it cant be done to him or u or any body realli so dont pretend it don happen because i know it do happen. i am in my right s to hav to sue because of . his slander an lie by making me sa y something i Never say! its calle d fraud activity like the false guy wh o ask 4 money like that. so don t lie
Well he is within his rights to have you sent to jail LOL over editing comments on a forum…you know that (LOL) is punishable by 2 seconds in jail right?
no i have mental health good so u are dumb and worngly making thing s up 4 stupid joke s but joke on u cause im finE haha forget u ….and no its a illegle crime that can get u a jail record an then raped by prison inmate s so I bet u need to stop because that hurt s and i will sue u for all the money u work so ha rd for! and the law can fine u by your IP so u have 1 don lie don lie!
life’s too short to waste it on foolishness. let bygones be bygones, live life to the fucking fullest u know wat i mean?
reminds me of a scene from Shashank Redemption.
Andy and his buddy are talkin.
Buddy goes, “get busy living or get busy dying” !!
If my phone made me seem like an angry religious retard, I’d be pretty pissed too!
I think I see where you’re coming from! 😉
LOL it all goes to hell when the preacher starts his sermon,
@Fro , sorry I was busy with an application but no is a super old PS2 game it’s pretty self explanatory though, your a smuggler, you make runs, complete missions, that’s it. Lol but inward addicted to it forever. I loved Oregon trail! I sucked at it too though >.< I've always been a video game person. Since I was a kid.
Also I think my Fro thing caught on…maybe…haha sorry
I'm gonna keep my opinions to myself as far as the religious stuff goes. To each his own but don't be asses about it in my opinion.
what or u talking aBout I takin g about the lord saving if u pray what do u mean shaahnk redemtion ? I din say nothing about that sO u are makin stuff up more! liar! i am bus y lving not dying so jokes on u haha u are wrong not right jokes on u haHa
life’s too short to waste it on arguing with u,
get busy living or get busy dying!
*troll comment edit* 😉
@RT30 hahahahahaha LOL aww man you did it now you done went and pissed him off….uh oh I think you hit a nerve with the retard comment! 😀
@pray4you….. are you sure you aren’t just a teeny bit retarded? just a teeny teeny bit?
That was good huh!? lol 😀
Fuck u all for retard coMent u not smartr then me! i am smaRtest in my whole area even morE then college kids. the y ask me 4 help on all they homewor k all the tim e because i am so smar t so haha jokes on u not on me so no i am not retard u maybe retard that s why u ask so haha u don even win nOthing on me so shut up ***** ass men
i also have big very big penis 4 ladies n i bet u all have tiny cocks like littLe baby betle dick haha jokes on you haha baby dick baby dick go D gave me huge dick! haha u mad u dont have it
67 comments none of which have any correlation to suicide.
pray4u although u represent the opposite of everything i enjoy,
i do find u highly amusing. please continue with the wonderful
safety lecture. “seatbelt, high tech shit!”
I get a little retarded sometimes, don’t hurt me none! 😉
This post has been the highlight of my day….I literally have laughed more in the last 30 minutes than I have all year…thank you RT30 I haven’t laughed like that in a fucking while man…..aww man I need some water
lol suddenly he went from being a priest to be a self proclaimed religious porn star.
do u know what the word hypocrite means?
u laughing because u know he has a baby dick haha jokes in him and his mom is a retard gIrl and u see he even say he RetaRded so I win haha joke s. on him. not on me. so shut up
LOL well I aim to please! 😉
This is why you need to stick around Pain, to help me fight off weirdos like this!
But I gots to get to bed now. Long day tomorrow! You take care buddy! 😉
@guyofagroup LOL he forgot all about his original mission!
Mr.Preacher is now preaching about the size of his dick.
Hey priest flip the Bible to the last section.
Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall
I destroyed u using ur own logic and I’m not even Christian!
No becaUse I have a huGe cock donT mean I porn star. PornstaR sex fo r money I sex with free not for money so u salty and i pray when i sex so i forgiven sO shut.UP u liar u don kno god as well as me an he forgive me! so isnt u salty haha jokes on You man so take you’re lies an eat them till u die!
@RT30 hahaha goodnight brother…. in the fight against trolls we must never give up lol
Shut the fucK up u ***** u cant use bable u dont know what bible means or says so u are th DumbaS in all this site! fuck u causE u trying to be a chrstiaN while not beinG. a real chrstian! so u lose! 2 be a real one u got to be real 4 peopLe 2 see or u a liar . I think. that u a ***** 4 acting LikE u a real 1 when u isnt shit and yeah that ***** retard beter go 2 sleep i was getting sooN to calling the police on him very much fast if he kept. frauding me
LOL such hostility calm down dude….man you really do sound retarded …. not sure if retarded or just a very funny and illerate troll
***** back 2 your mother n grandma and daddy anD. whoever your family! all reatards and stpuid so haHaa joke s. on u not on me punk!
LOL man its not really fun with nobody else here to clown you…..dude just do yourself a favor and leave please…..there is no reason for you to be here you’ve made quite a fool out of yourself aside from your spelling and punctuation your whole presence here is drenched in ignorance
I hatE people Like u and othe Rs hear who ma ke fuN ouT of me when. i told u it th phonE ***** where is so HarDD to understend this? it not thate Har D to get it is it man! fuc K youre hole family generetin and babieS too cuase theY mighT act like yo U and bE meaN and talk bad whe N im smart er as then You so HA.ha joke s on u haha u mad im smartR than all u
Dude its starting to give me a really bad headache trying to decipher your comments into readable ones whatever man I’m sorry now will you please go away? damn
pray4you… you shouldn’t be saying shit like you hate people. that just makes you more annoying cause you’re telling us god loves us but as soon as one person challenges you you say you hate them? read the fucking bible man it says following god is the hardest path you’ll ever take and you’ll come up against a lot of opposition but to stay true to god’s plans…well you’re not staying true and you’re failing god’s test by spewing hate. so congrats.
and yeah. u SmrTer den 4ll us datz wyy we h8 u
*retarded troll comment edit* 😉
no God loves me more because I capitalize the first letter of his name rather than the last letter. goD
head screwer i like it man.i am getting mad but let’s hope i won’t be delusional like you.and it is ok to in sult so me on e by the name of a no ne e x isted go d
That troll was rather interesting at how lazy they were, for a troll. 😉
iM no trol u fag u nam call me 2 protect u an jokes on u haha bcauuse u are ugly Troll. im man very sexy cutE men tha.t all women nee d so ha!
What’s the use of being cute and attractive if you aren’t even relevant!? 😉
You crack me up troll! But honestly, you are a boring person. There isn’t anything interesting about what you are saying on this site.
I believe I read you put.. “I will teach you how to repent”
Ok, here is your chance! Teach something that will make my (or some one else’s) day! ðŸ˜„
trull4you is an incomprehensible, illiterate munchkin from Oz.
Ugh, I think I’ve come down with a cold again, I feel miserable and tired.
Why does anyone even respond to “it” (Pray4you) it’s clearly just playing stupid, unless it really is that cognitively defective, then I pity it. Let it do its thing, the mods will (hopefully) come soon and ban it.
Hey RT, btw 😉
And Lorax. Good to see you too 🙂
Hey SB!! 😀
Yeah.. Troll antics! What can we do but be ourselves..and open another bag of popcorn! 😉
Why, hello there SB =)
Oh and I hope you feel better! ðŸ’š
I see many new SPer’s on here lately.
Yet…I haven’t felt compelled to comment or post at all.
we are getting phased out RT…..soon you’ll be like dawg….you’ll rarely show up…
RealTalk, hey there! I noticed you weren’t around much. Figured it was because of Stendarr and Procel’s absence.
I wish they’d have stuck around….although I’m not sure it’s really a bad thing when one decides to leave this place…Sometimes reading the post here can really get you down…I just hope they are doing okay
I hope so too. We all miss them for sure. There are others as well who only pop in now and again, like noonoo12. Seems the majority of the regulars from the past few months have disappeared or only post sporadically.
@pain& Percy- hey you two! I’ve been watching the site from a distance. I saw what SB and Procel wrote but it’s just a coincidence that I haven’t been around. I’ve been working my 2 jobs and just don’t have time to myself lately. But I think about you guys every day, more than a few times a day.
@percy- I hope your situation has improved!?
@pain- would it be false to assume you are looking at things differently lately? Do you think you’ll make it past thanksgiving?
tR!!! Ur back lol missed you
@RealTalk Not really, but I’m not on the streets. (Although that could happen any time, things are unpredictable around here.) I need a steady job so that I can have some stability. *sigh*
I hope everything is going as well as possible with you. Two jobs sounds tough. 😐 How’s the wife? (Hope that’s not a weird question, just being polite, hehe.)
@persephone- lol life is hard! So I say.. Fuck taking life seriously anymore! I still havent received the raise in pay that was promised to me. And I still don’t have rent for this next month yet. The little lady is doing ok, she’s swamped with school work though. I’ve been feeling very “alone” myself. But it’s nothing to be sad about.
@wishing- 🙂 yes, I haven’t gone anywhere.
@all- I wouldn’t worry about people leaving SP…they will be back! 😉
Later ya’ll!! ðŸ’š
Damn, I hope you’ll get that raise. You deserve it.
Aw. I guess it’s that time of year. When she’s not busy with midterms she’ll have time for you again. 🙂
Anyway, wishing you the best, as always! Hopefully everything will work out. Sending good vibes your way! (: