Hello, new people of the SuicideProject.
My name is Ryan, but you can just call me RealTalk30, or RealTalk, or RT3, or just RT. I am 31 years old and I live in California USA. I’ve been frequenting this web site for about 4 months now, and I’ve become a regular here. I’ve met some really amazing people here, and it’s unfortunate that such amazing people can be so alone, scared and angry. We all have our reasons for being here. My reason for being here is that there is no other place for my selective opinions, not too many places like this one where I can relate with people who find life to be as meaningless and as cruel as I have found life to be in the past.
I am not suicidal, nor do I desire to be ever again. I have attempted suicide a few times in the past and have lived some what on the edge of existence for a long time. I live my life by a few rules, which consist of: 1) always live with a purpose, however small that might be. 2) never care what others think or say, stay true to what you know and believe. 3) and lastly, never commit to a belief, always be flexible in how you live and view your life. But of course I welcome you to throw out all I just wrote based on the fact that in life, there are no rules to being happy. It’s whatever it takes to make it happen. And to have the confidence and integrity to see life all the way to the end, a natural end.
Am I without my own problems? No!
I have been living with a degenerative spine disorder for most my life, which causes pain through out my body all the time, especially when I sit in a car or lay down. Trust me, I’ve wanted to die more than anything in this world. I just want the pain to stop. This is what I mean when I say I understand what you are going through. I’ve also been alone for many years, but in recent years I’ve managed to find the love of my life, and for that I am thankful. But it took a lot of searching and floods of tears, and many years to find what I’ve been looking for. I could never imagine how life could change in an instant. Which is why I am here, telling you, begging you to hold on. Hang in there, because life can and will change in a heart beat. It’s how you handle that change, that will make the difference between living the life you want to live and putting up with the one you live now. Just remember (if you don’t remember anything else) that the longer you hide yourself from the world the longer it will take to gain control over your life and your happiness. I know what it’s like to hide away from the world, family, friends and lovers, a career, etc. I know what it’s like to feel like you are only doing evil in this world, and that everyone would do better without you around.. But it simply isn’t true. If you take away your own life you take away from what makes this life worth living.. Understanding! It’s what you take with you when you kill yourself, you take away that person the rest of us have to relate with. You leave us with a world full of people that will never understand. Our numbers are shrinking faster than this world can let us down. It’s your heart beat that matters most! When you die, we all die a bit more on the inside..our dreams, our reasoning, our future, and the battle for good falls another step behind.
I am here to make sure you know that this site has a stronger conviction than it lets on. There is a strength that urges inside of every last one of you. The urge to live and be free, with the strength and knowledge of the ages to overcome doubt, fear, folly and ignorance. We must break the cycle of evil, and that all starts here.
We are the prophets of our own right, a brighter light that peers through the darkness. And we see you..
Come join us!