Why won’t it stop

why won’t the pain in my heart and mind  stop

why must i live in this shell and suffer the days and nights .

why does god keep me lock in this shell to suffer so much

why have i never found love in this life

how can i say good bye to my  only child without hurting her

how can i make them see that I’ve run out of time

why is it so hard to dream the dream of peace

why is it so hard to let go, all i wanted in this world is to  be loved

i am i selfish to want to end this life

. how can i make sense of it all

is it true that god will turn away from me if i choose  to leave this world.

will he not see the pain an ask me why did i choose to go this way

will he forgive me for my actions.

Ive been down this road before and have asked why god must i suffer so great in this life

have i offended you that the evil in this world has consumed me

the fear of your wrath does it keep me locked in this world.

have i the strength to cross the line.  Ive been down this road before

wondering is it time ,is this the moment that i cross. the darkness is it real

will he say to me i understand your pain and expect me for what will come

I look across at my life and see nothing that is good, Ive failed my self and those around me

I think of the ways to end this pain and ask for strength to cross the line everyday

and everyday i wake to see the light of day an say ok  just  one more day

Ive prayed for death many times, as i lay my head down to sleep some where in my mind

I hope god will take me as I  lay down  to rest, every night i ask him to  release me from this world

I am an old soul, ive been hear so long now, an grow tried of this life

my birthday  was yesterday and theirs no one left in my world , all of them have gone, I am the only one left

 

its true that we come unto this world alone and we shall leave this world alone. ive been alone all my life .

my parents are gone , my family is gone  why aim i still hear . those who know of me will maybe ask why did he leave

what was so horrible in his life that he had no other way to go. All i could say is ,I couldn’t take the pain anymore .

as I write to you all the tears roll down my face, the sadness over whelms my feeling to the point that i wish i could lay down and sleep

I fear what he will do to me ,but that fear is  fading  and the line grows closer .

As i look around the room and see the picture of the past on the walls of my family I see no picture of me, I guess this is as it should be

Will i be missed, will they cry, maybe. but they will forget ,  the image of me will fad with time and the thought will be few and then

none.  we all do this ,are loved one pass and we think of them but life goes on and time will erase them from are minds. every now and

then we will say oh do you remember , and someone will say yes . and then your gone. maybe its the love we have for them that makes

us forget.  because to remember  is to feel the pain of their passing or the pain of missing them so much. yes i remember but this is now

 

In may time on this world Ive seen so many people who have so little , an ask how do they do it. Ive had it all and lost it all. is it the

things that we have that make the person, is it the cars the money the things that are the sum of are lives that make us.  I am sorry but

my time has come to and end now, and i must go.   Be good and live the good life, seek out someone if you fine your self on my path. it

maybe to late for me but you have the choice, to fight the good fight or release yourself and rest ,you’ve done all you can. Its your

choice  .   Pray for me ok as ive prayed for you.                                     TC

 

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