I’m planning it. I feel like I’m in control, something is being done about this pain. I feel relief now, it’s even better than cutting. The weight is off my shoulders.. Knowing the day is coming very soon. I know I won’t be missed at this point, and that gives me the courage to put myself in the ground.
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how good certainty feels. when you know the end… when you see all dots connected… and everything starts looking like a beautiful illusion. you feel a surge of loving energy in yourself. you wonder why is there so much wrong in the world, why is everybody distressed… you wonder why I was distressed for so long time. I wonder why people are so afraid of certainty of death… it should make their life just so much more beautiful.
sorry, you might not be feeling all this… i was just lost in my own romanticism.