Help me understand this please! She is me.

How on earth could I be fair that a 17 year old girl who is doing her trial HSC exams get pregnant, that’s not the unfair part, the unfair part is that she was so happy she realised that this child would be her reason to live, this child could save her, she was so happy, she was so ready, she knew she would probably be a single mother, but that was ok, she had support, she wanted to keep it, but no, she miscarried, she was so distraught that her depression became worse than ever, she began a month long bender, during which she was drunk every day at school, constantly in trouble, driving drunk, got a tattoo with her good friends name on it who had passed away 9 months earlier(taylor) (you see she was going to name her child either Taylor or Martin her friends first and last name, she got a DUI and lost so many friends from her behaviour . She continues to deal with this grief, and knowledge that because of this bender which caused a DUI she now has to go to court, and will get a criminal record, preventing her from ever being an adolescent psychologist which she has wanted to be and worked towards for 5 years. she cuts, and know one sees, shes not strong, she’s weak, she’s covered in scars, the blood is soothing to her, watching it drip from her wrist running down her arm and forming pools at her inner elbow which fall off the sides, to this day she has no idea what she wants to be or what she’s going to do, she will have depression her whole life like generations before her, all the medication in the world can’t help her, her kids will feel the same as her, she’s always wanted kids, 3, Lily (Lilith) Martin and Taylor(or Ben)  she is still 17 and  has finished the HSC with no plans for the future, wanting nothing but to die, is it fair that she is still alive?