My mother passed away a month ago. I moved home to be close to my father during our loss. My dad is sweet at times but makes me feel incredibly guilty about existing around him. There was no enjoyment in his life before mom died and now there is no enjoyment at all. Everything has a dollar sign to him. He calls himself a man of god. I have never met a more miserable person! I no longer enjoy the days. Years before my mother died she was a raging alcoholic. I am finding myself phasing into this pattern. I have no one to turn to:/ I want so much to talk to him but there is no connection. I just want to die!!! I hate my life now more than ever! I feel trapped in a corner by an over observant superior.
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You need to talk face to face with someone mature. Not your father, but someone receptive and responsive and with perspective. Counselor, shrink, etc. Alcohol is the other direction entirely.
Dollar signs are one method of discerning value. Value is an important concept.
Most of us grow up in a world where we must work; our time and energy traded, mostly involuntarily, in exchange for dollars, which are required to be traded for survival, and if you’re lucky to have more of them than you actually need, you can then trade some of them for enjoyment.
Most of us do not have any way to receive what we feel is “fair” or adequate compensation for our time; the time and energy are gone forever, and the dollars spend too quickly, and so often, are traded for very temporary things.
I don’t think we should fault anyone for being miserable in such a scenario, especially someone whose spouse or significant other has died. I don’t think we should look upon the miserable people with disdain; most of them would not choose to be miserable, if they were allowed that choice to make.
Instead, we should pity the miserable; most of them are involuntarily so. Most of *us, are involuntarily so, and without recourse; we are stuck in this world where our time and energy are squandered on so much less than even our most realistic and minimized dreams. Of course people are bitter, jaded, miserable… of course we learn why it’s necessary to place a “dollar value” on everything. If we spend all our time and energy working toward too few dollars, which cannot be traded for adequate solutions, in a timely manner… then we live through our lives miserably, with the only option to continue enduring what we cannot solve, in addition to what could be solved, with more money.
Everything has a cost. Being unable to afford something better than misery, tends to make people pretty miserable; most of them would choose better, if not for the insurmountable costs.
Alcohol will neither solve your problems, nor increase your ability to earn enough dollars to afford solutions.
Everything you do is a choice, even when that choice is merely a necessary compromise in choosing “the lesser of two evils.”
The discomfort of sobriety is one of the costs of manifesting solutions to the same problems that make you want to drink as a crutch. If you stay sober long enough to solve those problems, you can then drink to celebrate, which is a vastly different and better experience.