As a cchild, I used to dream of my future. I used to think all of these great things would happen, and that if I tried hard enough, I could be someone. Someone who was one who could make a difference. Not only that, but someone who would be great. Do something amazing, I guess.
But I believe those were dreams, and nothing but.
When I was about 5 or 6, I wanted to be a famous musician. I loved (and still do love) music back then. I wanted to just play piano or sing, get paid for it, and live that glamorous lifestyle. People would ask me, what do you want to do when you grow up? And that was always my answer, be a musician.
While I definitely have a gift for music, I’m not all that great. Mediocre, perhaps. (If anyone wants to hear a sample, email me or look on this site, there are a few samples).
But now I know that while I’d still love to do this, it isn’t going to happen to me any time soon.
I got older, and still I dreamed. Dreamed of finding someone. If you are thinking romantically, yes, that is what I meant. It used to mean soo much to me. I used to dream that I could find that special someone and we could be happy. Used to believe she existed. I feel that, honestly, this one has faded, like a lot of my dreams. It’s one of those that I longed for, but no longer wish to try, as it will not end up anywhere good.
Let’s fastforward, to wrestling. I’ve done it for 3 years. I’m the only blind wrestler in my state, and known everywhere that has a wrestling team in my community. My dream? To get to state.
I’ve been so close these last few years, one match away, to be exact. And then I was beat, and never got there. Our region tournament is this Friday. And I have a tough bracket, and to make matters worse, I haven’t been wrestling my best this year. So odds are, I won’t be getting it this time again. If I were to get there, I’d be the first blind wrestler in my state to get to state. Bad year to suck, right?
I’ve mentioned my dreams here, or at least, some of them. I used to dream, used to think, I could be someone, now I’m not so sure about these thoughts and dreams of mine anymore. As I get so very close to achieving it to the poinq where it can be almost tasted, then somehow, it disappears under my finger tips.
We all dream. Just try not to do what I’m doing. If you still dream, keep pushing. Don’t give up.
2 comments
Thanks for sharing your story, even if you think you are giving up you sound like you are not… you can still achieve many of the things you say you want to achieve, and i really hope you do 🙂 would really like to hear some of your music, could you tell me where i could find some? (no link appeared on your post)
@BlindAudio: My friend, your story is so like and so unlike my own. You taught me that despite our many surface differences, the meanings each of us ascribes to his/her life experiences can be remarkably similar. I’m not an athlete. I’ve never been. I don’t have the grace and coordination you’re obviously gifted with–quite the opposite, to be honest. But the sequential frustrated longings you refer to in general are the pattern of my life, too. I’m not religious, but your poignant writings called to mind a line from the Book of Proverbs that, like what you’ve shared, I think speaks to a universal human experience:
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.” (Proverbs 13:12)
I hope your life turns out very differently from my own. Best to you.