when will i snap

I hate the fact how i can do good not being sucidal and staying out of hospitals.Then you make one stupid mistake and it ruins everything.My mistake was being curious and that curiousity led me to find the pills my mom hid away..I now have a bunch of those pills and dont know when i will snap and try to kill myself.I just know i cant help it and it willl happen.I will try to kill myself at some point.Ive only told my best friend she asked if she could tell my parents i threatened to do it sooner if she did.I felt bad about that but i dont want to go away back to the hospital again and i dont want to cause them more pain and mistrust by making them think ive changed when i haven’t.But it was a good almost three month.Now im just wonering what will make me snap.Will it be my sick dad,my sick aunty who i refuse to talk to.Or will it be my lack of a life.MAybe another family argument will break out.maybe even my disabled body will make me finally tired of it.I dont know.I really dont know!!!!:(