Need to vent. Try and puke this stuff up on the page (sorry).
I have Bipolar 1, and I have it bad. It’s ruined my life. While manic I did so many crazy and awful things.
When criminals are tried, if a doctor says they were ‘of unsound mind’ that can be a defence.
I have no such defence. Nobody ain’t defending me, and I can’t defend myself.
I brought a child into the world under these regrettable circumstances.
He now, understandably, hates me.
I distract myself continually. I can’t let myself dwell on the past, present or future.
Long time since I posted here. I came back.
Putting my hopes in somehow securing the holy grail of suicide methods. I’ll let you guess what that is, for those in the know.
I wouldn’t use it, but just knowing it’s there would be liberating in itself.
I just wanna choose the time of my passing.
I don’t hate my life. I have more than I deserve.
Been spectacularly lucky. And spectacularly unlucky.
I’m ambivalent, contradictory, paradoxical. But so are all the best things in life…
I’m not one of those things though.
I’m a freak/I’m a weirdo/what the hell am I doing here?/I don’t belong here…Radiohead.
When my final curtain call comes, I just pray my whole identity, everything that I am, will be erased. May none of it persist. May I return only as a leaf on a tree. Something harmless and insentient. Or just vanish without a trace.