I Feel Like a Failure

I know we shouldn’t go around feeling like our life is a failure, or that we are a failure.  And I never felt that way until these last couple of years where I’ve been pretty useless, I suppose that’s the word.  I got badly injured 5 years ago and haven’t been able to accomplish anything; even getting out of my house to get to the store to feed myself when I can do it is like the biggest victory I can muster up.  I guess I feel so hopeless and so futile and like a complete failure because I don’t quite see myself improving physically, and thus making a real, productive life for myself again.

The problem is that while I am very injured and extremely fatigued most of the time, I’m not that bad off that I can’t walk or theoretically do *some* things.  It’s just that I’m sooo fatigued that whatever energy I do have, I use to watch netflix or play games on my kindle instead of using what little energy I do have to do productive things, the tasks that I should be doing- like cleaning my bathroom, keeping my apt clean, doing my laundry, filling out medical forms.  It’s just all so tiring.

And I feel guilty because these things never get done and piles up.  I’m so fatigued.   Do I do my laundry or get food?  I don’t have energy for both so no matter what I choose, something always gets neglected.  I then plop down on my bed and watch netflix to temporarily forget how my life is such a mess and to drown my guilt that I haven’t/couldn’t get things done.

I just feel like my life is rotting away.  That *I* am rotting away.  My potential squandered.