8th grade was when it all started. It started in the middle of that year. My dad & I were fighting. He told me that the reason he tried to kill himself was because of me. At that time I started to believe it was me cause of the way I treated him. His mental health issues at that time were up & down. In previous years he was overdosing with his prescription meds which led to him getting into a car accident with me & he also fell down the stairs. Some other things happened like he ran into a tree with his bike while we were camping. Also there was one time he couldn’t even tie his shoes because he was so drugged up. He is a recovering alcoholic & he hasn’t misused his meds in over 5 years. Anyways, in 8th grade his mental health wasn’t good at all. When he told me what he told me I believed it & started blaming myself for mostly everything that happened.. Fighting, his depression, my moms anger… It wasn’t my fault, I know. Ever since 8th grade things have been so up & down. I’ve tried to kill myself 10 + times. I’m a cutter, still. I’ve been in & out of mental hospitals 10 times since 8th grade. At this current moment I’m very suicidal. I’ve been trying every night since Monday. I actually have rope burn around my neck which has never happened. I have cuts on my legs & both upper & lower arms. Oh… I met this guy up in Meriter the first time i went up there.. He sexually abused me. He’s finally in jail after over a year of court dates. It started happening in 2010 but I never said anything till March of 2013. He has one year jail, 10 years probation, and 15 years on the sex offender list.I regret turning him in sometimes but yet I know it was the right thing to do. My mind keeps going back & fourth about missing him & hating him & wanting him dead! He’s a huge reason why I’m stuck right now. He’s the main reason I don’t wanna live anymore. He was an amazing friend but he betrayed & manipulated me to the point where I thought he loved me… I’m so stupid for not seeing that! I’m stupid for believing all the bullshit lies he told. At times I feel like I should get just as much punishment as he is getting.
6 comments
hey, love yourself. just love yourself.
I’m trying♥ .
It’s hard.
you will learn. love to you.
so how old are you now, Kelsey?
I’m now 18.. I haven’t been on here since I wrote this..
You started coming here around the same time I did, judging by the post date. Man…it’s been kind of a long time, now that I think about it. Hopefully you’re doing better. Although, considering you’re back on this site, I guess I kind of doubt that.