Socially awkward introvert

What is your definition of social introvert and socially awkward?
Have looked up on this but would appreciate individual inputs.

I try to conceal my misanthropy by claiming to be an introvert. Presumably that is less off-putting to others and makes myself feel better. But after a handful of backpacking travels and interacting with people from and in other countries, I have come to conclude that the human heart STINKS just the same no matter where you’re from. What color or gender.

I used to think it is because I live in a third world country (save for the capital city), surrounded by low intellectual and narrow-minded people. But travelling has shown me that the problem lies with me, or rather this wretched planet.

Almost every new person I meet turns cold and stray away soon after the initiation, which I do not notice happen with the rest of the bunch. Maybe my topics are just that uninteresting. Maybe I always rub people the wrong way. Maybe I just suck at life. Even typing this out feels awful in the gut….

Right now, I have little hope of being able to “function” in society. I do not say “fit in” because all my acting around people (for trying to sustain a job and shitty friendships) has thus far failed. If I were to break my dignity down to its two cents, all the close friends I actually have are church people who probably do it out of loving kindness for the lost souls. But this leper is not complaining, just saying.

One thing I have mastered over time is repressing my suicide impulses. The mind game you cannot win. Doesn’t mean I wanna live either, but only because I have bucket list to accomplish before I go. It’s not that long, really.