Why the FUCK can’t my ex leave me alone? I check my cell after work to see if my mom called, and saw a voicemail. Naturally I thought it was my mom, calling to tell me that she was already there, waiting to pick me up. Nope. It was fucking Alex. This time he kept how he loved me, and he’s sorry for leaving me when I was ready to kill myself that night, and how he’s sorry for calling me a ***** ass ****. Then he started saying he loved me, and how it’s hard for him, and how he thought he should apologize now before it’s too late because he “doesn’t know what will happen or if there’s much time left” for him. This happens every fucking time I finally start truly ignoring him. Three days of drama free, and fun shifts at work where I’m actually happy (shocking, I know). Then he calls, or somehow messages me with another fake account or something and says he’s sorry. What the fuck does he want? I think I’m actually being stalked. He’ll follow me around the store sometimes for no reason at all. Other people notice it too, so I’m not insane (not about that at least).
Is this normal? Because he’s seriously freaking me out. I was thinking about filing a report with my managers because if he doesn’t stop being a creepy bastard, I’ll end up either yelling at him in front of people, or pushing him into a locker and telling him to leave me the fuck alone.
29 comments
the way you’ve described the issue, actually kinda makes me feel sorry for him. Sure, his behavior is unacceptable in some ways, but i don’t think he’d behave that way if he wasn’t deeply affected by… you. Seems like you really got to him.
I don’t know what to tell you. It’s probably a safe bet that he’ll continue being “predictably unpredictable,” and “waffling” back and forth between sorrowful pleading, and disdainful aggression. It’s unlikely there is anything you can say to him to make him WANT to leave you alone. You might have to resort to involving the authorities at some point… which is going to hurt him even more, but might actually convince him to leave you alone.
I haven’t done anything to him. We never even slept together, I haven’t slept with anyone at all. I just don’t understand why he’s attached I mean, I’m not attachable….people don’t stick around for me
You don’t have to have done anything to him. He wouldn’t be like that if he didn’t like you, at least on some level, even if he acts like a shit sometimes.
Sometimes it’s not the sex, but the intimacy… the very personal nature of getting close and closely knowing someone.
I seriously doubt you are “not attachable.” Clearly, there is already at least one person who is very attached to you, even if neither of you want it that way.
Again, i’m really not sure what to tell you here, except that he wouldn’t act any of those frustrating or infuriating ways, if he didn’t have feelings for you. But that’s not to suggest that you have any obligation to care about his feelings. Just a “hey, this is part of why that happens” kind of thing.
“But that’s not to suggest that you have any obligation to care about his feelings.”
… and that’s pretty much how the laws in the US read. If you tell someone to leave you alone, they need to leave you alone regardless of their feelings. That’s why there are restraining orders… because some people think with their “feelings” as opposed to respecting individual rights and the law.
yeah… but i have to point out that the issue with those laws, is that they are completely inconsistent, because they are based on someone’s feelings. So what it boils down to is that one person’s feelings are protected by law, while the other person’s feelings are criminalized.
Demanding someone respect your feelings, while refusing to respect theirs, is kinda fucked up… and the so-called “justice” system, facilitates this, even encourages it to some extent.
If you feel his behavior legitimately indicates that he is likely to attempt to physically harm you, then it’s time to get the law involved. But… try to make sure it’s actually warranted. Don’t sling it around frivolously. A restraining order can’t stop someone from doing whatever they want before the cops arrive… it can only punish them for violation, after a violation occurs.
Feelings or not, “leave me alone” means “leave me alone.” I’m not suggesting that law enforcement get involved in this circumstance… but the laws are there for a reason: In a civilized society, there are expectations for human behavior. Whether you agree or disagree, the law is the law. While violating a restraining order is an after-the-fact punishment, it’s pretty heavy in some jurisdictions. Having a felony on your record isn’t a joke.
As for the differences in laws, welcome to the US. Each state, county, and municipality often has their own patchwork of laws… not to mention Federal law as well.
“one person’s feelings are protected by law, while the other person’s feelings are criminalized.”
Couldnt agree more.
That’s the price we pay… If your feelings involve bugging others to the point of criminality, then there should be a punishment. It seems pretty simple to me.
but that’s just it: if “the law” goes around being absurd, how can we be expected to respect it as just, justified, or justice?
And, can i file a restraining order against the IRS, DEA, ATF, FBI, CIA, NSA, DHS, etc.?
Suddenly, my “leave me alone” feelings no longer matter.
If the law is self-contradictory and/or blatantly incorrect, who will protect us from the protectors?
You’re confused, clevername. You don’t have to respect it. Just obey it. Your opinion about the law is worth much less than your compliance with it.
I’m not confused at all. I find it utterly deplorable that we are not just expected, but commanded to comply with injustice, through threat of violence and asset seizure.
I think maybe you’re confused; my opinion is invaluable, because my own judgment is the root and beginning of everything i will ever do.
Then again, complying with injustice has a pretty outrageous value… just a value in the wrong direction.
You can change the law, clevername. Quit the pity party, get off your butt, and run for office. Once in office, you can facilitate the process to change all those mountains of injustice that you perceive.
As for being confused, a big problem with society rests with those who make excuses for not complying with the law. In this post, some will make excuses as to why bugging the poster should be acceptable and legal. Good luck with those excuses. That and $1 will get you some coffee.
If you spent as much time contributing to the greater good as you do coming up with nonsense on SP, the larger society might be better off.
Now i know you’re confused.
I definitely can’t change the laws. It’s absurd that people in this day and age still think “we can change the laws.”
And i wasn’t making excuses for the guy. I said i kinda felt sorry for him, not that i think he should continue bothering anyone. I can see you’re insinuating and assuming i was, which i already disclaimed prior.
And i’ve heard that line before, but without the “nonsense” part. I make loads of sense; if you can’t understand it, that’s your problem. Unfortunately, i’m like water, and i can only go where the currents flow. If people would appreciate my fluidity, instead of demanding i be a mountain, society at large would likely have benefited far more from my contributions… or perhaps would not have needed them in the first place, due to how things would be better, simply based on the idea of people better understanding and appreciating things as they are, for what they are… instead of going around trying to make everything something it isn’t, or shouldn’t be.
We can’t change the laws? I must be missing something. My town has this body of people called the “Town Council” which makes and modifies the laws. People are ELECTED to the Town Council and get to provide their input. Not to mention, visitors to Town Council meetings also get to provide their input.
There is this big area of land in the eastern US called Washington, DC. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? In Washington, DC, there are hundreds of ELECTED officials who make and modify the laws on the national level. Yes, clevername, you can get elected if a plurality of people voted for you.
You seem educated, clevername. Certainly I don’t have to provide more information on how elections and law-making work?
I never said I didn’t understand your nonsense. The problem is that I understand it too well. Comparing yourself to water does yourself no justice. As humans, we CAN control out destiny… We can make turns, go backward, etc. without being subject to outside influence. Again… End the pity party. If you want something changed, change it.
Town council is irrelevant compared to federal law.
Those “elected” officials, are actually the result of a carefully orchestrated theatrical process. The whole thing is controlled. Like i keep referencing: the choice is not really a choice, if all available options are carefully selected to ensure that either choice will facilitate what the test-maker wants. You’re going to choose A, B, C, or D, and if i’m making the test, i’m going to ensure all of those options will lead to you feeling like you elected something, when in fact, i rigged the system to get what i wanted, no matter what choice you made.
Our gov’t is profoundly corrupt (as most are). Anyone who has paid attention in the last 50 years should know it… and especially in the last 15 or so.
Someone like me would only ever get elected as a fall guy, a patsy. The only way i could ever get there, would be for certain lobbyists to make it happen, and they’d only do such a thing if they could reasonably expect an acceptable return.
If you can understand it, then it makes sense, and is by definition, not nonsense.
I feel that comparing myself to water is apt, and especially regarding the fluidity aspect, is simply honest. Being honest with myself and others, seems justified to me. I’m more like a fluid than a solid. I’m more comfortable in a flow than without it.
And i don’t understand how anyone can do anything without outside influence, due to the fact that almost all of us exist in a shared macrocosm, and not an isolated microcosm.
People like to accuse me of self-pity… as if i shouldn’t feel sorry for myself for being victimized by corrupt systems full of corrupt people, with no way to change anything i really want to change.
If i want something changed, chances are, it’s something i can’t change… or i would have simply changed it, instead of saying “i can’t change this, so life sucks.”
The ultimate result will be that i will simply stop attempting to contribute, or even communicate, because people constantly and consistently tend to prefer to misrepresent or misunderstand everything i try to convey, in a more negative light than is ever necessary.
For all the times i’ve given the benefit of the doubt, i’m still surprised at how seldom i’ve received it, and how quickly it is removed for such trivial reasons… if any at all.
…. and the pity party continues.
You wrote a college-length comment on something you have no first-hand knowledge about…. corruption, electability, etc. If you write at length about something you have no first-hand knowledge about, it affects your credibility. There have been plenty of previously-unknown citizens elected to office. You do this thing called “campaigning” and sometimes you win… but sometimes you lose. Calling a system that you have no first-hand knowledge about “corrupt” is about as credible as hearing that pink elephants were spotted flying at the North Pole.
Length doesn’t imply correctness. You can write from here to infinity and it doesn’t make you correct. If you want pity for the way you’re perceived, look elsewhere. You have the power to change things and people, including yourself, but you blame the system instead of blaming your own inaction. Life involves work sometimes. SP is good because it lets us COMMUNICATE about things… but sometimes we have to DO things in addition to just communicating about them.
There is more to life than being like randomly-directed water. When/if you learn that, your perspective and lack of motivation might change. In the meantime, be careful what you posts. Posts that are authored in an educational manner but still contain nonsense are often more damaging.
The UK has one of the fairest legal systems. The people who make the laws give them a lot of thought. The rules aren’t always applied fairly because they don’t always apply to everyone. If there was a law I didn’t agree with in particular circumstances I’d disregard it and accept the consequences. I might not like it but that’s life and you can’t fault a game of chance. If other people can manipulate the system and have a better life than me that’s life. If I don’t have the ability to change the cards I was dealt then I have to accept that.
dude… what the fuck is your problem?
What is it with you people lately?
Or, as the title of this post: “what the fucking fuck?”
I’ve been watching the corruption since it was first pointed out to me in my teens. Your “no first hand knowledge” assertion is both wildly dismissive and completely irrelevant.
I’m so tired of being hassled and attacked for no reason.
Watching something from afar or on TV is not first-hand knowledge…
Feel free to continue blaming the system because nothing could ever be clevername’s fault. Nope… poor innocent SP’er did nothing wrong… or, more likely, just did nothing.
Continue the pity party… I’ll go shop for some party supplies.
okay, if inaction is my mistake… then how can anything be “my fault?” Hm?
If i don’t do anything, then i didn’t cause anything to happen, therefore absolving me of any possible guilt.
You could say my inaction “caused” or at least contributed to something… but that’s starting to sound an awful lot like arguing against the reasoning behind the same law you just defended. You shouldn’t blame the victim for their reaction to being wronged. But if you want to be wrong, i suppose i can’t stop you… just like i can’t stop anyone else who is determined to be wrong.
Too bad i can’t change that.
Oh boy… You can make all the excuses you want, clevername. Ultimately, it’s your life. Not mine. Not anybody else’s. As long as my tax dollars aren’t paying for this eternity of silliness, then I’ll chalk up your nonsensical and circular logic to just poor excuse making.
It’s all good. You’ve mentioned a few times in this post that “people” (plural) have opined on your posts. Where there’s smoke, there is often fire… and some might be inclined to assess the received feedback. In this case, more excuses are made.
It’s okay, clevername. The world is a harsh place… and sometimes it takes a lot of excuses to get by. I mean, if we weren’t making excuses, we’d have to work on being productive members of society… and that’s difficult, right?
“In order for evil to prevail, all it takes is for good men to stand idly by and do nothing”.
distand.road, what is it that you do for a living?
^
Exactly. For the majority of good people in everyday situations what they oppose must also be of personal interest for them to take action. You do get the some people who try to be heroes but generally all of the injustice and human suffering in history has been allowed to happen through lack of foresight and weakness.
Fro-not-so-zen:
Administrative work… Typically data entry with the occasional side project thrown in. I’m (finally) going back to school next semester for Comp Sci.
How about you?
Like I’ve been saying I’d take a person with strong principles over someone who had none any day even if I didn’t agree with what they were saying as long as what they said wasn’t malicious. Clevername has been getting a lot of negative feedback lately but you have to look at where it’s coming from. That’s how someone copes but rather than see it for what it is people like to criticise because they can’t or don’t want to understand it. You’ve got to look at a persons motives and intentions and I let these comments I wouldn’t necessarily agree with slide because he’s a lot better than the others.
Duke, I’ve had a great respect for you since I found this site… so I don’t want to say anything that would undermine that respect. I’ll simply say that I understand your premise. On a forum like SP, there will be divergent views. People don’t agree… and sometimes disagree. I’m sure clevername will sleep well tonight… as will I. It’s an online message forum. Like in life, things happen.
It’s difficult not to have a biased opinion on topics that have affected you. People who are oblivious to their suffering aren’t suffering and one of the things I noticed in a post a few days ago is that some attribute part of it to intelligence. Because, something is wrong and we can see it when no one else can. There lives some how seem less important when we assume they don’t understand anything and their ideas become less valid.
….nevermind then