I now it may sound arrogant and selfish and i do apologise in advance, but i just wanted to see whether I am the one and only who feels like that. Basically, I often read the posts here and i come across really sad stories, some people go through really tough times in their life and i do fully empathise with them. Â In my case, I Â cant say that I have major problems in my life meaning, i have a partner, ok job, few friends etc. So nothing really major to report.
However, I constantly feel like ending my life as i do not see any real point in living. I know it sounds daft but really, i cannot see whether is the point. Some may say that I need to change my life style, job, partner, friends even countries. I have done that in the past and nothing worked…still the same. When i ask my self, what if money was not an issue, what i would have liked to do or change….and the answer is nothing, There is nothing out there that i want to do or change…i am very unhappy and this will never change. I am not looking for sympathy and nice words that things will change in the future etc (i am already 38). What I am looking for is to hear whether other people feel like that. If yes, should we just accept the fact that we will always be unhappy in our life (I do believe that people often come to terms and live their life being very unhappy until they die) especially when they have dependants and people they do not want to heart by committing suicide. I am one of those as I do have people that care about me and i dont want to hurt them, so I rather choose to keep hurting myself until…i die….but, going back to my question, where is the point of living then, just to avoid hurting other people if you die? hm….not sure who is selfish then me or them…
3 comments
Hi Morpheas,
The thing about depression is that while it can be triggered by hard times and difficult life circumstances, it is not defined by their severity. This is why some people live through the most horrible of circumstances, and manage to handle the grief, pain and suffering without feeling the need to end their lives. While for others, simple rudeness at the supermarket make them feel pointless and feels like a stab at life itself.
Please think about that. Somehow people tend to think depression shouldn’t be real if one has friends, family, job, etc. Just because one can’t see blood or scars does not mean that the injury isn’t there. There’s simply not enough research and information on the biochemical triggers and pathways of depression. Yes, stress and circumstances, sometimes genetics contribute to its development, but the true cause mechanism is unknown.
If you had a leg wound gushing blood, you’d see a doctor, wouldn’t you? You won’t try to reason it away, you’ll see immediately that you need stitches.
Just because one doesn’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not real and can just be explained, or even reasoned away. Your feelings of purposelessness have a biochemical foundation, something isn’t right in the way your body functions and processes information and sensory input. Please think about that and consider getting help.
I wish you all the best, and hope you’ll feel better soon.
Hi Gillian,
Thanks very much for your time in responding. I found your response very interesting and useful. I have been thinking about the point you made regarding biochemical foundations of my purposelessness/depression. I am sure you are aware that there are two different schools of thought. One that i agrees with your views and the other one that argues that it is solely phycological and has nothing to do with the biochemicals etc. I am not a scientist and i cant be bothered reading all the academic literature in this subject to make up my mind….but i think i belong to the later school of thought (without my investigation as i said)
The problem is that i do not feel like trying to ‘correct’ my situation. I dont feel like seeking help by specialists….no offence to the specialists but i think the can only cure me temporarily. .i think the only way for me is to accept that this is me and i will always feel like that. I need to learn how to live being depressed. Actually, i dont believe the media brainwashing campaigns that we all have to be happy…I cant be happy and I will never be…so the sooner that i accept it the better.
You may think that I am a stubborn person and I know everything….no i dont….i am just so fed up of trying to find a way out, that i am absolutely exhausted…no more nerves left no more appetite to look for the great happiness…
Best
Morpheas
I believe there’s truth to chemicals having a role in your mood. If you’re not sure about that, take a pain killer and let me know if you feel any changes. Even something as small as caffeine changes mood. With the signs that point towards chemical issues in depressed individuals, there’s also not any set chemical to address this problems. You nailed it, “temporary”.
That’s why there are hundreds of antidepressants and mood stabilizers on the market. If one worked, we would reach for just one. And anyone successfully treated for depression long term on medication has been on several different prescriptions….because they aren’t the answer.
Therapy helps a lot. They say the ultimate combo is therapy/meds. I’ve been on both and it’s a battle. You look at how much of a struggle it is to want to be alive and depression is pulling you down for no apparent reason. It’s hard to maintain the unfufilling void that depression brings. You have to find hope in a change. I’ve lost mine.
People like gillian are cheerleaders for hope. But cheers can only help so much.