I’ve been fighting with my lover often lately and today he said that it might be best for us if he pulled the plug. The reason why I’ve been fighting with him is because I’m a complicated stupid *****. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I could change and I’m trying so hard, but it doesn’t work. The idea of killing myself came across my mind a few times and now it’s here more than ever. I need him right now, but he’s not here. I’ve been drinking and hurting myself … I wish I had the strength to stab myself … I’m tired of living in vain and feeling inferior to the rest. I want to die.
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“I wish I could change and I’m trying so hard, but it doesn’t work.”
Have you spoken with a counselor. social worker, etc.? Sometimes it’s difficult to change if we don’t know what to change or how to change it. Please stop hurting yourself…. and reach out for some advice. Perhaps it will help you get on track.
I haven’t spoken to a counselor yet, but then again even the counselor can’t help much in my opinion because I am my own person and only I can make a change not the counselor. I just want him right now. I can’t take it when someone dumps me especially when I love him so much …
Love?
How long were you together?
Almost a year by now
If it was love at first sight, that’s a long time.
He is my first true love. A guy who I have genuine feelings for …
Oh, that’s a tough one. Love is a hard idea to grasp. The changes and twists through living make it a temperamental time bomb…..that you can’t stay away from.
Well, I’ll be honest, yo, at least your relationship ended for a reason. I had 14 (15?) months with a pretty amazing girl that ended pretty much just because. Just, you know, for shits and giggles.
What I can tell you, though, is that (majorly) changing yourself is a pretty dumb idea. This sounds like retarded advice, but seriously – be yourself. That dude don’t like it, he can shove it where the sun don’t shine. It was not meant to be, I suppose, just as I was not meant to be with my [redacted to protect…something], and we’ll both need to except that. And move on, at some point – and I know, it’s fiendishly difficult – but you must try.
Maybe it’s not you that’s complicated. Maybe it’s the relationship..
I know you don’t want to read this right now, but sometime we don’t really get along with the person we fall in love with. After the pain finally goes away and lots of time passes, then one day the realization just hits you – it was noone’s fault, we were simply incompatible.
Things tend to linger in my head and I wish I had the will and power to walk away … And im not just changing for him im changing for my own as well and for the best …
I tried many times to think that way and try to move on, but I keep falling for him over and over again.
I don’t know what to tell you.. Should I tell you this is likely not your last heartbreak? That even when you know it won’t work from the start, and even when you can foresee how it would go bad, you still fall for it.
I probably shouldn’t.
So I would say, try this: write his name on a helium balloon, and let it fly away. Sometimes it helps.