Well guess I was right all these months I suspected I had more damage from this hell of a relationship. I kind of suspected I had been damaged to point even if I did manage to get out of this relationship I would nvr be able to be with any other guy again.  Guy approached me from behind in the store saying baby an I flipped out,i went in to a rage before I even realized it was happening  an I guess by look on my face I scared him.  Turns out it was my ex and he didn’t know how to act around me after that, so I just mumbled words an got the hell out an forgot to even pump my gas.  Why is this happening to me an why am I just getting more an more fucked up.  Maybe cuz of all the pain from guys in the past now I have turned into some monster an I don’t even recognize who I am anymore.   I am not the person that I was . Still you think that your already this bad in only  a couple years? lol wait till a couple more of this same shit

I drove a long ways in the car today after that an was thinking, I do accept that my life is messed up an I am messed up an there is nowhere to go but down hill from here because I know that I am not fixable

Another rage reason to add to my list.  I guess this is similar to the rages I go into when I see kids who are treated badly. I go insane.  Helpless people treated badly and I go into insane rages.  I guess this came about because of being abused growing up but worst of all watching my baby brothers being beaten to the point of bleeding, an I felt so helpless to stop it.  The pain I felt watching it was almost too much to bare.

I always have an always will spend my life being known as a crazy person an its the assholes in my life doing this to me.  Hell what am I saying, its most people in the world that is doing this to me,  Cuz the world is after all full of more assholes

After all its ok to be an asshole.  No one ever remembers the asshole who made the fat joke to that person or the ugly joke to that other person.
The asshole remains cool…  No one ever remembrees that person forever as an asshole except the person who it was said to.

But I have always  been known and remembered as the crazy girl, since I was little, now and I will be known as crazy till I die.y  Well now I can accept that.  No one has ever understood me, no one has ever tried an even if they tried they probably never could, an now I accept that no one ever will.  Now I am beyond fucked up an loosing my mind cuz of the assholes in my life, well not really the world is full of assholes.  You get rid of some an u will just find more.  there is no where to run or hide to escape it.

heh I have admit I like that I can now  accept that no1 will ever understand the reasons I act the way I do. An accepting that everyone I know will always think im nuts cuz  there is no trying to hold back anymore for me. not that I did much in the past anywayz. Don’t think I care anymore if people think im over reacting. an thre is going to be no more feeling guilty later when I do, After all these assholes are causing me to loose my mind.

Lately when assholes cant understand me I just say FUCK YOU to them.  I don’t keep trying to explain anymnore why its wrong, I mean why bother some idiots will never understand anyway an will just keep thinking ur just overreacting cuz ur crazy.

like Don makin jokes abt Christys weight an even tho she went to her room an cried he insisted it was ajoke an shouldn’t be takin seriously.  No mater howmuch I tried to explain why it was wrong to the  idiot he could just not get it an insisted we were both over reacting. I have to admit I enjoyed very much screaming fuck you into his face.  Guess he wasn’t used to raging psycho bitches eh he was so angry he couldn’t even speak.  So ya I guess that is my newest bad habit or my growing craziness