I have tried so hard the past weeks, so hard to try and push on. I’ve been looking for guns online, cheap ones, just to end it all. I’m only 16, and i’m so scared. I see no other option then suicide. I’m so ready to leave, but I don’t know what’s holding me back. Is it because I’m weak? Is it because I still love people? I don’t know, I don’t want to know. I read this story recently about this mother named Elizabeth who lost her child to see how it’d feel if my parents lost me. All I do is disappoint them, I love them so much and just want to hear my dad tell me that I matter, just to hear him say he’s proud. I want you all to know about me, in whatever case I don’t make it another day, I just want someone to have read this and just understand.. My name is Logan. I live in Ohio, I am also on the wrestling team. I have a lot of friends, and I’m very popular. No one has any sort of clue I’m suicidal. It’s something I keep to myself, locked up inside. I’m terrified to die, but I don’t want to try and move on. So if this is my last post, I just want to let you all know that I am sorry for everything, please keep trying even if I can’t. Fight on.
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If you get a chance, try looking up Confessions of a depressed comic on YouTube. It might help you to reconsider keeping the feelings of suicide locked inside. It may be what you think is best for the people around you, but if there’s ever a time to be thinking selfishly, it’s when you’re holding in feelings about leaving a life which would be otherwise enjoyable except for a preoccupation with death. You shouldn’t have to wear a façade to make it through life.
Keep on keeping on Logan! I won’t lie to you and say it gets better. Our family and friends have no idea why we feel the way we feel. Since I was 19 my depression was very bad. I remember as a kid eating poison and cutting myself. I’ve always been depressed. But lately I need meds and they still don’t help. Your feelings are your feelings. They are not wrong nor are they right. But they are yours and the worst part is that the people closet to you will not and can not understand all they see is a person being selfish. But they are the selfish ones. They can’t and won’t let us go and be free because they will miss us. Yes we love them and don’t want to hurt them but we suffer everyday. Everyday we try to pretend to be happy, when we are dying inside. Slowly we lose hope, and don’t understand why. Talk to someone and release those feelings it may help a bit. But if you are miserable with your life and self do something about it. Maybe meds can help you or maybe not. But try something different to see if your mood and feeling change. If not you know the answer.