I would really appreciate it if you took the time to read this and hopefully leave a comment suggesting what i should do.
So, me and this guy we were in a relationship for about 2 months, the shortest relationship ive had in all honesty. The relationship was amazing and i fell for him so hard so quickly, and then he left without an explanation. However, he never actually left, we still contact each other every day and we speak like we used to. Even though we’re not in a relationship it feels like we are. He told me that the reason he broke up with me was because he was scared of being hurt so he left me before i had the chance to hurt him.Â
What i don’t get is, he keeps saying he wants to be with me but is not ready for a relationship… This has been going on for a couple of months now. All my mates say i should just let him go and move on with my life, but how can i when we both want the same thing?Â
I really do not know what to do, this is seriously driving me insane. I want him so bad, because i know we would work out in a relationship, i just wish he would give me a chance.. Does he just want me for sex?Â
– Please leave a comment, i don’t know what to do.Â
10 comments
try asking your father what he thinks. he would know best.
this is what I would say if you were my daughter: anybody that would leave a relationship because they are afraid of getting hurt is the last kind of person you want to be in a relationship with. the VERY last. a man and a woman will have conflicts in getting to know each other, and they will hurt each other, and they might even lose love for one another. it’s not all hugs and kisses. a lot of it is learning to be gracious and patient with each other, that’s true love. not being obsessed with each other’s personalities, appearances, etc, or something foolish like that.
so please wait until you’re older that the men you might marry are old enough to have some sense of reality. also talk to your father, he will help you more than anyone else.
How convincing does he come across to you as? See, this sounds like a typical bait & switch manoeuvre. Basically, you entice someone towards you and court them in the vain of faux love or whatever you want to call it, switch it up and proclaim either no real interest or some sense of insecurity, which in turn makes the other person perilously pander to your whim. Emotional blackmail? Probably.
The reason why I know this is because I was a master of this tactic without even realising it until a certain girlfriend of mine called me out on it. I like to believe he genuinely has affection for you and that *maybe* he just isn’t secure enough or ready yet. My advice? Wait it out and see if he communicates any other thoughts/feelings towards. I’m sure you’re wise enough to follow your own instinct from that point forward.
Hopefully this helps, but I’m crashing right now and barely holding it together. Best of luck to you.
I might not be the most qualified person to give relationship advice, but i’ll try. Take my opinion with a huge grain of salt, since i’ve always been in long relationships (3+ years) but they always fail one way or another.
When i was reading your post it came to my mind that this guy might really be just afraid due to past relationships, as he said himself that he’s scared of being hurt. I can relate to that since i’ve been wondering how i could ever be with someone else after my last relationship, and being afraid of being hurt and pushing someone i really like/love away… yup, sounds like something i would do.
But then there’s the sex thing. I might be wrong but that changes everything. He’s afraid of being hurt in a relationship with you but still looks for you for sex? that doesn’t sound right. Sounds like he’s not being honest with you, and that he’s either hiding something (or someone, as in another relationship), or as you say, just using you for sex. Or maybe he’s undecided and just keeps you there while he makes up his mind. I still find a bit possible that he’s really just afraid… but if it’s been months… i don’t know, i’d believe that there’s something fishy instead of fully trusting him in that situation.
I’d say give him an ultimatum. If he really cares about you incite him to do something about it, and be honest with him about it. You might also want to be direct (yet not aggresive), since guys can misinterpret things that are obvious for women (been there a million times). Also, i’d really try to find out if you are the only one, because something doesn’t sound right there, and if your friends kinda suspect of him… i don’t know, usually friends pick up things one doesn’t. In any case i wish your for the best, and as i said, take my opinion lightly, since i suck at relationships 😀
Hmm… All these 3 comments made me think a lot..
But in a way made me more confused.. I would like to think that he’s not just in it for the sex, because he promised me that since me, he hasn’t been with anyone else sexually.
He’s also told me that he has never been in a relationship before, so i really do believe that something must have made him think this way towards relationships, what that is, i do not know.
I just want to know whether i should keep fighting for it or give up..
Also, it is never me starting the conversation, it is always him and he’s even admitted that it is hard for him to get on with his life without me. He has also said that he does not want anyone else, only me when i suggested that he finds someone else.
I kind of understand how he feels about being scared of relationships it can feel like a big commitment no matter who it’s to. Just try and take it easy you don’t have to call it anything as long as the feelings are there.
Uhm… that’s no good. I don’t know what whatcanido and Shepard might say about this, but there’s something there… why would he be afraid of being hurt if he’s never been in a relationship?… how would he know how hurt from a relationship is if he’s never suffered it?. Unless he’s a real coward or has huge abandonment issues (or both) i think he’s definitely hiding something.
Why don’t you ask him why he’s so afraid of relationships if he’s never been on one? that might be a good starting point. But to be honest, i wouldn’t trust him that much all things considered :/.
I will Definately be careful, thank you all so much. It seriously helps getting different people’s opinions.. I will be sure to give you guys some feedback.
I’ve been hurt in the past but never this much, I think it’s time I let go instead of hurting myself even more if it’s not going any where
If you respect yourself you’ll leave while you let him make up his mind and decide whether he wants to commit fully to you or not. People can say anything they want, it doesn’t make it true. Honestly it sounds like you’re the chick he keeps on the side, I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a ‘real’ girlfriend elsewhere. Maybe you should find another guy to show him that he’s not your only option. That might make him think twice about playing you for a chump.
I share the same thoughts as ol’ M there. Well done, OP. Good to see you are willing to move on from this hoo-hah. Do keep us in the loop, in case something goes a little pear shaped and you need further input.
If he is saying he doesnt know if he wants a relationship, then all he wants is sex. I have been there, my last relationship in fact, you need to stay away from him. He is going to hurt you!! I have been through this on more than one occasion, with a girl but its still the same. Dont let him hurt you cause he will. I just had the last straw with a girl and i told her that i couldnt handle anymore heartache. I lost my daughter, who was 6, two years ago. I told her all these things so when i asked if she was wanting to see other people or was she seriously looking for a relationship she says she is not looking anymore. I fucked up again and let her fool me with that “i dont want a serious relationship shit” I found out different. To answer your question, HE WANTS SEX, if you are already on the edge, dont let him push you off. I have already teetered off the edge. Just gotta figure out when it will be