It’s almost 2AM. I’m in my room alone. Crying my eyes out wanting to die. I haven’t felt this way in over a month. I look at my scars and notice them fading. Why are they leaving me I don’t want to see them go. They’re such a big part of me, I swear they’re my closest friends. I’ve tried everything to clear my mind, but nothing seems to work. I’ve tried snapping a a rubber band, I’ve tried drawing a butterfly,I’ve tried all I can think. I don’t know what wrong with my mind. all I know is that it’s back. The urge to cut, the urge to burn, to do absolutely anything that will destroy myself. I’m almost 50 days clean. I know my pastor will be disappointed…. The thought of him being hurt makes me want to die, but I don’t know any other way. I sit and hold my blades. I just want these feelings to end. I feel them press against the skin of my hand and I’m unsure of what to do. I want to press harder. Allowing the blood to escape from my hand. Letting everything escape. The pain, the numbness, the memories, everything… I haven’t done anything yet but I’m scared I will. my arms have built up so much scar tissue that in order for me to feel any pain at all I have to cut deep. Then I don’t realize how deep I’m going til there s blood everywhere and I am left trying to clean it up. Someone please help. I honestly don’t know what to do…
My friend (who is like my older brother) had his mom pass away suddenly without any warning. She had numerous brain aneurysms that no one knew about and she collapsed without warning. I had met her several times and she was always very kind to me. I feel as if I have lost a mother myself. I just… There’s so much that has been happening lately.. I just don’t know what to do and I feel like I can’t hide it any longer.
4 comments
I used to cut a good bit, still like to burn myself every once in a while. I have more scars than skin (bad ones killed nerve endings) so I understand the addiction of self harm. You can email me if you’d like
perfectlyimperfect605@gmail.com
You do not have to hide it with recovery programs. I could not find help in my priest. I went to 12 step and still do. Some of the best therapy and help comes from people who get what you are experiencing from a first-person moniker.
u know i was 13 when i first tried to cut my self….
and even many times did that
but whn my best frnd got to know abt my this habbit she helped
she told talk to her when i feel like cutting
tell abt the pain
and it really helped me…….
u can raaly talk to us if u want share this….
Hey. 🙂 I’m an old member from this site. I use to cut, and I even held a gun to my head a couple times. 2 years later, and here I am. I’ve had countless relapses. They’re hard, I know. You work so hard to stay clean, and it hurts to think of slipping. Whenever you feel like this though, do something to take your mind off of it. Draw, read, take a walk, or talk to someone. It does help. Do whatever makes you happy like you deserve to be. If you ever need me, my email is Wilkerson427@live.com. I am more than willing to talk to you and help you cope. You aren’t alone. I promise. Put a smile on that beautiful face and keep your head up. We all love you and are here for you.