A year ago today I tried an Amitriptyline cocktail. I meant business, i had a few days set aside so nobody would miss or bother me, left extra food for my pets, my notes to everyone, and what to do with all my stuff and things I wanted to donate.
I had all the ingredients and quantities needed because my psychiatrist was treating me like a guinea pig and always sent me home with goodie bags of serious meds to try. I have never been sicker than that time period switching between meds so rapidly I couldn’t function and could barely find my way home at times.
I have no idea why I woke up after all that poison. I did exactly as instructed and chased all the pills wth alcohol. I can’t believe how many I took. I remember waking up a few times and drinking more alcohol and taking more benzos thinking a bit more would finally do the trick. At one point I tried to make it to the bathroom but I couldn’t walk and fell down. That’s where I woke up a day or two later. I never even vomited? It boggles my mind. I never went to the dr but did have myself admitted to a mental health facility. The only lesson I learned is that there is no easy way out, I wanted to leave but for whatever reason I was not released. I often hope in the very near future peoples opinions would change and thus open some accessible and peaceful options for those who are truly ready.
4 comments
If you were changing meds on a regular basis most likely it was due to built tolerance. Happened to me on one attempt i made years ago, i should have died but ended up sleeping like 4 days straight with no consequences other than a headache for a couple of days.
I believe in supernatural powers that hold us here. It’s like I should have never lived, a person such as me so damaged should never even be born, but the powers-that-be have put me onto some kind of invisible life support so I can be their tool. If you believe in the supernatural it is one possible explanation. A scientific explanation is that most attempts at drug overdose suicide simply don’t work. It’s a lot harder to kill ourselves than we expect.
Someone or something was watching out for you. I believe that we all serve a purpose during our time here. It seems you’ve not yet accomplished what you are set out to do.
Is it painful to take an OD of Amtriplyline? I take small dose for a chronic neurlogical pain. But get a 3 month supply and I am just wondering how long it would take to OD? And much you need to get it done correctly the first time. Thank you.