Thanks for taking the time to read my first post & comment so kindly. It’s not surprising that many of us are in agreement on the subject of making the conscious decision to put an end to what is for most of us the unending hell of constant emotional pain. (As I’ve tried to explain to mental health “professionals”, it’s like being trapped in a room engulfed in flame, and the only escape is to jump to your death.)
In my over 30 years of experience in being chronically suicidal, being put on practically every drug and therapy available, I have unfortunately found all of them utterly ineffective and in no way lessened my desire to die. It makes me so sick with rage when I hear ignorant people – including every psychiatrists and therapists I’ve ever known – saying all I need is the “right” medication and “proper” therapy, and I’ll be “fine”! (After more than 30 years of attempts to off myself, you’d think I’ve proved them wrong by this point, but, no, they still keep saying this crap!)
I escaped the US (when that war-mongering, mental midget, GW was re-elected) for a lovely social democracy in Europe, and live out in the beautiful rural countryside. But, though being close to nature helps my anxiety and never-ending depression some, the problem is, I always bring my own private hell along with me. Even though I have everything I need to be happy here – solitude, sanctuary and silence – I still continue my legacy of self-destruction. (And, believe me, the hospitals, drugs, psychiatrists, and therapists (mostly still in the dark ages practicing Freudian psychoanalysts, if you can believe it), are no better, if not worse.)
If you are chronically suicidal like me there is a very good forum on the web. It’s much like this site, but more in depth on a lot of issues we all deal with (Though, you cannot post, comment, or see the core of the forum as a guest, you need to create an account):
http://www.chronicsuicidesupport.com/forum/index.php
Other than that, don’t take my word for anything. My experience, response to meds, and therapy are particular to me.
I WOULD encourage those looking for help to find a dialectical behavioral therapist, as this therapy was designed by psychiatrists and therapists specifically working with, and trying to help those who are suicidal. It is statistically proven to have the highest, and most significant success at actually helping people like us, as well as those suffering from other, various and sundry mental torments. Cognitive therapy is second best, as far as actually showing statistical evidence of being effective. (If there was a DBT, or cognitive therapist here, I’d be in therapy right now.)
For now, I’m on the slow boat to self-abbreviation, smoking and drinking my days away. (I do so love when anyone tells me that “cigarettes will kill me”! I tell them that’s EXACTLY why I smoke, I’m not an idiot, but I am getting rather impatient for that promised death! I love to see their horrified response, and their slow steady retreat from “the crazy person”. I’m entirely honest and open about my addiction to death, like my anti-theism, and I reject that there is any shame in it, or any other supposed state of mental “disease”. It makes for some really interesting conversations, or not. Ha! I highly recommend it.)
5 comments
Nice plug
“…saying all I need is the “right” medication and “proper” therapy, and I’ll be “fine”!”
That’s them trying to psyche you into believing it will work, which is a prerequisite for the placebo effect. 😉 (they know their experimental synthetic drugs really aren’t the answer, but they need you to believe it is, or it won’t work… and what i mean by “it wont work,” is, their business model of selling prescription synthetics to people the gov’t views as disposable, which makes us perfect guinea pigs… and they want to squeeze as many dollars out of each of us as possible, before we expire… which is also why they don’t like us killing ourselves; affects their bottom line)
I’ve always kept away from these drugs even though my doctor kept trying to get me to take, I think it was sertraline or similar, he says it’ll help, I don’t know if I’m making a mistake by refusing, I just believe my problems will still be there but maybe shunted into the background for a while.
Thanks for this OP. I’m 52 and in the past I had suicidal phases which I would recover from, but I’ve become so alone, plus crushing blows in my personal life appear to have made me chronically suicidal and hopeless…even on the rare ‘good days’ I still want it to end. Thirty years though, my Gosh.
Good for you for being open and honest about your feelings to people in general. This is the best way to combat the stigma and taboo that surrounds this issue. Not many people have the courage to expose themselves like that. And thanks for the heads up about DBT. I will bear that in mind.,
What a marvellous post, it absolutely expresses my own sentiments. I have lived in emotional pain for far too long and would love to find a suitable means of self-euthanasia, I truly hate my unhappy existence, it is nothing but a daily torment.