Hey everyone. I’m 24 years old, currently in grad school. I lead a relatively comfortable life except for a few cases of domestic violence (from family and partners) and a sexual harassment experience. I work, and I volunteer, and I have a few hobbies I enjoy.
But something I’ve been feeling lately leaves me hopeless, stuck, and miserable.
I’m working at an internship I hate. I thought I’d like it but I hate being in front of a computer for eight hours a day. The thought of working hard through college and grad school to just sit at a desk for the rest of my life sounds horrible. The future in general sounds horrible, to me. I tend to make a lot of mistakes. I’m forgetful and my mind is in a constant state of confusion. I easily feel overwhelmed and I’m extremely slow. It takes me an incredibly long amount of time to understand things. I was fired at my dream job last year because they claimed I wasn’t focused enough.
I hardly have friends, people seem to hate me for no reason. I guess it is because I am so stupid. I like to draw but I’m not good at it. My mom has constantly mentioned that she regrets having me. People have told me that I deserve to die.
Anyways, long story short, I feel like an incredible waste of space with absolutely no purpose or point in being here. I don’t think it’s fair that innocent people with potential die every day, but my useless self is allowed to keep on living.
I guess this is pretty much just an incoherent rant, for which I apologize. If you took the time to read this, I truly thank you.