I don’t know whats going on and I can’t really feel, its like I don’t have any real emotions. The few times I do feel sad I cry because I look at my life and feel like I should be crying. But I only end up crying a few tears and then I feel nothing again. I don’t love, I just remember thinking that I did at some point in my life. My ex and I just fell apart literally we just stopped talking and just pushed each other and I cried but there was never a real ending a real break up. We just pretended like neither of us existed we lost contact for months and I met someone new spent my time with him. And then my ex and I just started talking and then sleeping together. And I don’t talk to the new guy not because I cut him off but because hes busy and thats fine. I Â don’t really want to date the new guy I just like him and hanging out I think he feels the same. My ex is nothing that I want I don’t enjoy kissing him or even sex with him. But theres something wrong with me because I feel like I need sex like i need to use him for that. I’m sick inside my head and I wish that I wasn’t. Ive only been with my ex I don’t sleep around. But my head is broken its sick I’m sick and somehow sex with him is important. There isn’t any love its simple sex, there isn’t a connection like there used to be, there is nothing. And yet I still do it and I feel like I’d rather die then let go, I’m not ready to accept this horrible truth in front of me.
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4 comments
Hello sunshine. I can only say that you’re going down a spiral like this. Spending time with him to quench pain with sex is short term, don’t you agree?
How about you try tomorrow Friday to go out with friends? I’m sure you’ve got a bunch of friends to hang out with. I’m here if you need to talk.
@kuzco: I’ve done all that hung out with friends went out had fun experienced new things. I don’t care I feel nothing I mean that sincerely I feel NOTHING. The only real emotion I can manage to feel is anger, i get easily angry but stupid things by people. My question is what is so wrong with what I’m doing I don’t feel anything about it. I guess thats what is bothering me..
There’s nothing wrong with you – you’re surviving however you can. Maybe you should talk to a psychologist, but on the meantime – vent it all here. Anger’s fine.
There’s a lot of hormonal things that happen when you have sex with someone. Chemicals are released, especially in women, that makes you feel a close bond with that person. So even if emotionally if you feel like you aren’t that excited to be around him or sleep with him anymore, every time you do, your brain is releasing these chemicals and you are associating the comfort and please of sex and something that you know you can get from him.
Like I said yesterday I suspect one of the healthiest things you could do for yourself is to realize that you need to put a final end to things with this ex. Even if you barely feel anything for him anymore and it just feels like a safe person to get into bed with when you’re bored. I think this could be a part of why you are still suffering. I would probably be a complete lunatic if my ex came over and agreed to have sex every once in a while. I would have no idea which way is up at that point.
I just wonder if you would slowly start to feel better if you’d decide to stop seeing or talking to this ex completely.