Go away!

I was always told by everyone that I was weird, crazy, and ugly. I never thought that I was worth anything. When I was younger my dad pushed me to be the best and say what I have to say and not keep things bottled up inside. So I’m going to say something not one of my friends knows. I was molested as a young girl. Now every time my boyfriend kisses me I cringe. That was why when my boyfriend first ask me if we could go further than just 2nd base I just left. Then he ask again  I talked to my dad and he ask how much my boyfriend knew about my past. Then I told my boyfriend want happened.he was very understanding, but after awhile he ask again this  time I said okay. About a week later I started to relive what happened to me as a younger girl. That was when I first started to cut myself.  My boyfriend and all my friends watched me fall apart. Then after awhile I saw some older kids smoking weed and drinking, I ask them why they smoke and why they were drinking. They told me that it made them forget everything wrong in their life. Not long after that I was one of the kids who would go to every party and not get home till three in the morning just to try and hide the fact I smelled like weed and beer.I was in 6th grade now I’m in 8th grade I still cut myself every now and then when I fell crappy but I have not drank or smoked. My boyfriend and I are on again off again. I hear stories,  I don’t know what is real and what is not, about people who have died because of weed and alcohol in combination. I still can’t believed I did all that crap because of my past. Now everyone who tries to get me hooked back on drugs and / or drinking I tell them to go away and that it can kill u, or make u come close to it.