Have you ever felt so ugly?

Have you ever felt so ugly and unwanted, that you couldn’t leave the house? You feel as if everyone is staring at you, wondering why you look this way instead of that way. I worry about that every day, and it’s gradually getting worse. I can’t leave the house most days. I haven’t always hated my appearance, it became noticable when I began to truly notice my appearance. I’m 13, and I have alopecia. During the summer, my hair started to get noticably thinner and now it’s almost completely gone. My mother thought it’d save my confidence if we just shaved it all- which in turn made it worse. I tried to focus on other things to bring out my beauty. I tried makeup, wearing clothes that made me feel confident, and overall having a sassy and without a care in the world attitude- and yet, nothing helped. I wake up, I look in the mirror and cry. I sit in my room and close the window, unwilling to let any one see me. I’ve tried to talk to my mom about this, but she is the type to say “You’re beautiful no matter what-” and I find that a lie. I don’t feel beautiful at all. I feel so ugly that I can barely stand to show my face. A few nights ago a very close friend of mine suggested I purchase a wig to see if that will help. I tried a few on at a beauty supply store, but I found one online that looked so beautiful. I tried to convince my mom to get it for me, and that I’d do anything. I know the wig will not immediately boost my self esteem, but I think it’d help. She refuses to buy it, and says we don’t have the money for it. We don’t have $70 for something I really desire, but we have $30 every weekend for her to drive upstate to see her boyfriend. I don’t get it. I wish she knew how I felt, and i’ve tried to tell her multiple times. When I’m forced to go outside, I feel so much anxiety and panic, it makes me want to hide in a hole forever or just die. I don’t know what to do anymore.