no one cares, so i dont even know why i need to write this. (i wish i could get a horrible disease and be gone!….it is so unfair that people that are loved, needed and wanted get these horrible, incurable diseases….while, i who have no one and wants to die…stays half-way healthy. I’ve never understood this miscarriage of justice!!!) the thieves (my deceased sister’s young adult children) need not ever show their face around me.(dead or alive) i would like to think, as i did discussed with my brother’s daughter and her husband (man! he is so great to me!…as much as he can be, considering the “family rules” he lives under)… as i stated, cremate me, no embalming, no showing…who cares or would come anyway?….just get the ashes and get them to Niagara Falls…my favorite place on earth that ever brought me smiles and joy. toss them in, say a prayer if you want and head back to the Midwest. done! i thank you. it is all come full circle now. since no one ever calls me, checks in with me, invited me for NO holidays, except the “fake” Christmas we have at your restaurant of choice, where you cant even stand to sit at the same table as me…to all this i say “Carry-On!” you never knew i was there, the miniscule times i was around, so this (me being gone) should really set you free to keep your circle tight, w/o any “outsiders”. Still unclear why you are like this…as mom and dad welcomed anyone and everyone for any holiday or event they had. the more the merrier! was no problem to feed a few more…and now you, MR Rich and Loaded has to tell the waitress to make sure my bill is separate as you wont be paying for me. here;s a HINT… i never wanted anything from you and as an adult, i do know how to order in a restaurant and tell the waitress my bill is separate…stop being so greedy and excluding ONLY me from your free paying frenzy. Never understood this, but it did always hurt me. I know i cant ever hurt you my being gone…so live on, continue in your hurtful ways, just know i am thankful to no longer be a cretonne you get to, at best, be unkind to and at worst, treat like sh!!T under your shoe.
I HAVE NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY OR HOW EXCLUDING ONE PERSON (ALWAYS ME!!) FROM ALL OF YOUR PLANS MADE YOU FEEL SO WONDERFUL AND GREAT. JUST INCLUDING ME ONCE IN AWHILE WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME HOPE …FOR A FUTURE AND TOMORROW, BUT INSTEAD YOU PREFER TO ROB ME OF THAT PLEASURE. I MUST TRULY BE SOME SPECIAL TYPE OF HORRIBLE. SORRY YOU EVER EVEN HAD TO KNOW ME…MY “WONDERFUL” FUCKED UP FAMILY THAT REMAINS!!!!
Carry on! (Lord knows i cant stop you nor change you.) Just dump me in a paper box, then make it go away. Flush my asses down the toilet if Niagara Falls is too difficult for your BUSY schedule to handle. you treated me like shit, and since the toilet is where shit belongs, use your own judgement and do with my ashed what you think is best. mother fuckers always have done whatever you want…dont know what i was thinking by asking to have my ashed sent to MY favorite place. How totally dumb and selfish of me!!
Ciao!!! ….and much love to those than read this…i dont think my posts ever deserve any human wasting time on them…but i write to try to get my hurt out. XO
7 comments
wy does everyone treat you so bad?
i wish you that you had a better life,your posts made me sad.
sadly i cant help.
nobody deserves this,i wish you luck in wat you choose to do whit your life
if you decide to leave,carbon monoxide is the best way,yup it must be an old car,sadly.
you could try hanging on a littel longer,nice people realy do exist,the prob,when your life is full off assholes it is a compounding effect,in return you blame yourself.
this is not your fault in eny way, if you do leave,i hope on my heart you meet friendly people in death
thanks for your comments. i am just so sad. my family is screwed up…i have no one and here is why…….my mom died 20 years ago when i was young and my dad died last year, my sister died in 2007. her children are messed up and steal from me, so i cant have them around. this leaves my brother’s family. and his “family rule” is ONLY FAMILY….and by that he means just his offspring & wife. I cant be included. i lost friend when i had to stop working…..i erroneously thought friendships evolved from 25 years at a company meant something as we shared holidays, etc at each other’s homes….but again, my thinking was incorrect. so, i have NO true friends…only people who want to use me at their will…so i cant take it anymore and i have disconnected from them…so now, i have NO ONE!!! I HATE KARMA…i promise i have tried to be good to people and all i get is screwed! I wish i had an old car…or knew how to take out the catalytic converter…that is the shit that takes the co2 out…damn car manufacturers!!! i had a friend die this way. it seemed peaceful. i miss her…but at least she was able to escape. I’ll figure something out. i’ve tried so many times! I hate this world and all its inequity. Just pray i can do it…soon……b/c i HATE it here! Thx for taking your time to read and comment….it helps me to feel i might actually exist in some small way.
part of why i want death is to hopefully see my mom and dad again. my heart breaks that they are no longer here…..i always had them if i got in a pinch….i cant deal w/o their love b/c now i see no one else loves me.
wow, just found this site and can relate to soooo very much i have seen in such a short period of time. My family aat the behest of my sister for at the very least made a point of having me excluded from family gatherings, forcing my parents to choose between including me or my sister not bringing her kids around to grandma and grandpa so the spineless assholes chose not to stand up to the ***** and excluded me. Why? Because I am a homosexual? But, then again Sister has ALWAYS treated me way badly!! Oh, she was just taking after her parents example anyway!. We are so programmed for that family connection where so much good stuff molding us into healthy strong loved beings is supposed to come from and support us. Oh how they fail up, sometimes by neglect, parental inadequacies , character/mental/emotional flaws, somtimes intentional, even justifying their unjust behavior, don’t all families/parents do these things? You (I) are just too sensitive, oh why are you always so angry with us? We don’t want to hear it! Such grief, such pain, it makes me see the beauty, other days it makes me sad because I constantly consider ending this life inspite of all the beauty, for all the pain, and now the possibility of future terror ( extreme anxiety).
StopPlease…..I can so feel your pain. It is INSANE the “rules” family make up and live by. I know i have been taught through therapy that “family” are just people..and often times were if we were not biologically related to them, they are people we would have never chosen to be in our lives….so i TRY to remember this. It is just “society” that deems a family should “this” or “that”…but reality for me is…i’d NEVER have included these people (my family) in my life were it not for sharing the same parents. i try to believe this, but is still HURTS. I try to surround myself otherwise, but i cant find people to be supportive. it HURTS. FUCK families…they are just bio-people i’d NEVER choose as friends, but it still hurts like HELL when others get a great supportive family and i get SHIT!! I am so sorry for your situation StopPlease, I wish you were in my family, b/c i would accept you. I believe everyone should be who they truly are…and then be accepted for the beautiful, unique person each of us are…DAMN SHAME the people who should love us the most,, SH!!!T on us the most too. Peace!!
My brother doesn’t give two shits about me either, lol.
i feel your pain. Siblings SUCK!! Dont you ever tire of their crap? I am alone so much, i never understood why including one more person in their parties, get-togethers, etc would put such a strain on them. they actions say “HATE” but their mouths say “we are religious and we hate no one”…actions speak louder than words…and hopefully my death will SCREAM my feelings! As my words go unheard!!! Ciao’