When I say seniors, I don’t mean school grade. I mean ‘over 65.’ I want to know if there are any others near my age on this website. I’m not presently suicidal. I have been most of my life. But now death is a given in the next 30 years or so. I’m wondering how persons from my generation who have survived feel now. Are there any on this website?
I’m presently having some physical problems. I am consulting with my general practitioner. I am not afraid of death, a friend I have sought during most of my life; but I’m also not afraid to live.
How do you feel now? Others like me? How has your life been?
Vedura
5 comments
Yup, well, I almost fit in to your category. 63.
At 19 I attempted suicide and suicide has been a default mind set when things are terribly wrong or even just a little wrong. I’m beginning to wonder if I use the suicide thought as merely a habit or if it’s an ego game trying to draw attention…”look at me, look at me, oh woe is me” kind of thing?
Life has been steadily deteriorating since I got laid off from a job at the age of 58. What’s the name of that movie? “No Country for Old Men”. If you look at suicide statistics white men over 55 are more apt to successfully commit to suicide than any other age group. The body has also been steadily falling apart since then too with one thing after another. But..here I am, still trying to figure out what the hell’s going on. And that’s my short story and I’m sticking to it.
Are you shitting me? I’m the only other “almost senior”. Well screw this!
Not so fast. I’m a year older than Sputnik…
49 and so some way off 65 but a fair way from being a child. I suppose depression has been with me since childhood, my father killed himself when he was 58 and I, 12, more recently my brother’s late wife, killed herself, 2007, using the same method.
Suicide is therefore part of my landscape, an accepted method of departure. You accept as natural the things that you grew up with as a child. It’s not good but there you have it.
Mine, the depression, became apparent in my late teens, there were murmurs before, but it hit home then – it has marked my life ever since.
It makes me angry that so much of my life has been lived in frozen fear – so much time wasted. I go down and it endures for anything between 6-12 months, recover for a similar period and then down again.
The monotonous regularity of the thing is terrifying, decisions are made to ward it off, periods of manic activity, full throttle to keep it from me, too often good sense is forgotten in an attempt to break the cycle – then I burn out, hit a wall, the hollow features give way to the pit below and I am swallowed.
Presently in the midst of an episode, now in it’s 16th month, longer than ever before – mornings terrified, evenings a little relief tempered by the fear of the morrow.
49 and so some way off 65 but a fair way from being a child. I suppose depression has been with me since childhood, my father killed himself when he was 58 and I, 12, more recently my brother’s late wife, killed herself, 2007, using the same method.
Suicide is therefore part of my landscape, an accepted method of departure. You accept as natural the things that you grew up with as a child. It’s not good but there you have it.
Mine, the depression, became apparent in my late teens, there were murmurs before, but it hit home then – it has marked my life ever since.
It makes me angry that so much of my life has been lived in frozen fear – so much time wasted. I go down and it endures for anything between 6-12 months, recover for a similar period and then down again.
The monotonous regularity of the thing is terrifying, decisions are made to ward it off, periods of manic activity, full throttle to keep it from me, too often good sense is forgotten in an attempt to break the cycle – then I burn out, hit a wall, the hollow features give way to the pit below and I am swallowed.
Presently in the midst of an episode, now in it’s 16th month, longer than ever before – mornings terrified, evenings a little relief tempered by the fear of the morrow.
Well done for having endured.