Tonight is really bad. I miss my girls so much. This is so hard to keep going through the days when the most important part of your life is gone, yet they are only minutes away and you cant go see them, call them, hug them, tell them you love them. I know ive made mistakes and done stupid things but I regret them honestly and truly. Doesnt that count for anything? I wish I would just die in my sleep tonight and be taken away from this hell.
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Wish that every night. I’m in a bad place as of late too. Now I know you’ve talked about your girls before, but I don’t know what the reason behind them being gone is, if you don’t mind my asking.
I was with her for 6 years. I never married her. She was madly in love with me for years and all that she wanted was a family with me. I was still a young dumb kid and couldnt see how lucky I was to have her and her daughter in my life. I messed around with other girls, I never took her on dates, I was so stupid. In october, I asked her to move out because I had met someone at my new job that gave me that fuzzy feeling and I wanted to see where that would go. Well, it only took me a few weeks to realize that my gf and her daughter were who I wanted to spend my life with. I asked her to come home and in december, she did. In april, she said that she was a different person and needed to find herself and what she wanted in life so she moved out. Since then, we have been on and off. For a couple weeks she wants to be with me, then she wants nothing to do with me. We started going to couples counseling together and went to 2 sessions. 2 weeks ago, she again told me she didnt want to be with me and kicked me out at 2 am when I was spending the night with her. She left 2 days later on vacation with her family and I gave her some space while she was gone. I only text her twice and both times, she text me back saying she loved and missed me also. When they got back, I went over to take her cat back that I watched while she was gone. She gave me a big hug and kiss and was smiling like she was happy to see me but then she said she is sure she doesnt want to be with me again. She didnt come to counseling on Monday and I now havent heard from her in a week. I cant eat because it just makes me sick and I throw up. I cant sleep because I am woken up every 30-40 minutes praying I missed a call or text from her but its never there. I wish she would even just text me Hi, I hope your doing ok. Just something to show me she still cares and does worry about me but nothing. I am on the verge of having a total breakdown. I want to see my little girl again. I want to hold them. I want to kiss my gf and tell her I love her and see the love in her eyes that I know she has for me. I would give anything to have them back. Ive been crying so hard for the last hour that my whole body is tingling right now. I really wish my body would just let go. That my heart would just stop beating.
You’re obviously regretful of how you treated her early on the relationship, and from what you’ve said, you’ve certainly shown it, but I can understand how she might feel too. But, I do know it doesn’t take away from how you feel, but hey, i’m not Dr. Phil.
I know. I dont blame her at all for how she feels. I know I hurt her and I never deserve to see either of them again. I dont deserve her forgiveness or love anymore. I deserve to be alone and sad and regretful of my decisions for the rest of my life. I just wish it would end soon.
I hear ya. I’m not gonna feed you some faux bs because right now i’m in the same boat, would be hypocritical to tell you to stick around. I will say though, that your music is a blessing, not to many people send a message like in your tracks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qid6Y3DTZGw
Hey Infectious, you may need to approve my comment to see it published on your thread… I’m hoping Tommy’s words at the beginning will help ease your worried mind a little. It’s hard without your family, I know. But it sounds like you’re doing all that you can.
They ship the lime Skittles yet?
Yes they have shipped. It looks like they arrived at the next big city to mine which means they should be delivered tomorrow or tuesday. Im sure its not going to matter to her. Im sure she isnt going to care that I did something meaningful as small or stupid as it is. She doesnt want to be with me anymore so whats the point. All im going to do is piss her off that I wont leave her alone. Whats the point. Everything I do just backfires on me.
Ah man, I’m sure she’ll appreciate them. Who doesn’t love lime skittles? I still do stuff for my wife that doesn’t want me anymore, so I’m not even going to try to offer advice. It feels worthless to say but I really do support you. I really think it’s awesome how hard you’re fighting for what you want and the people you love. In my case, that’s what I plan to do until I die. Even though we won’t be under the same roof, I’m hoping to be a part of her life until our son is grown. She’s always been a part of mine (literally), so yeah, being away is the hardest thing I’ve had to do.
Ive got 3/4’s of a bottle of southern comfort 100 proof sitting here. I am so close to just chugging the whole thing, letting myself get alcohol poisoning and passing out to my death. I had alcohol poisoning when I was like 16. If I hadnt called my mom to ask to stay at my friends house, I would probably have died then. I spent 2 days in the hospital. I guess by the time I got to the hospital, my BAC was .42. Over 5 times the legal limit here. I was on the verge of death and I dont remember any of it. That would be so nice to just pass out, remember nothing and let go.
I’ve thought about going out like that too, but what might happen if survived scared me out of it.