what went wrong

it all started when i was ten.. my relationship with my parents was horrible, i started rebelling, cutting myself for the pain i felt, nobody loved me back then, my mom emotionally abused me 24*7, every moment at home felt like forever, it was hard.my dad was so controlling, he would scare me with his voice, and behaviour, he took away my phone, my stuffs, called me a dirty hoe. my mom and dad would fight, and scream, and she would threaten him that she will leave the house,or they will get separated. my mom also threw plates at me many times. we lived in a very small town, i looked somewhat attractive and went to a good school, my neighbours out of jealousy told my mom that i was dating several people when i didnt even know what dating was, i was severely verbally abused this whole time. days passed me by, i used to write the name of god on my notebooks, but nobody ever came to save me from all that abuse, i got called sl.ut, w.h.o.re., i got called names. i have been suicidal since then i just didnt do it because i didnt think about it seriously. i was rejected, told i was a burden, i had a dark childhood, i dont remember being happy. i was bullied since a young age, nobody in the school liked me,they called me crazy, hated. i struggled to cope, we shifted to another town, the bullying got worse, people made fun of me, i dont know why it happened with me, but it did. then when i was sixteen i attempted suicide, a medically documented suicide, the one everyone still remembers, i was so happy that day that finally i will be free of this cursed, fucked up life, but fuck it, i was hospitalised and was saved, i took 40 etirest tablets. i did it again after two years. same method. saved again.i lived alone, i had siblings but they didnt live in the same town, i left school, i stopped going, i was blackmailed by my friends, they would scare me and i would do everything for them, spend all my money on them… the situation got worse, bullies started coming home, telling my mom i fucked many boys, i did this, that i dont know what all they said but the things they said were horrible, i dont know why they did that, maybe they felt what they were doing was great. I had a manic episode in between this period, where i spoke shit to my friends on phone, did things i regret, and made fun of myself in front of everyone by saying things and flirting with guys ten years older than me, my number was everywhere, i was a famous slut when i was going through my manic phase. i was lonely, i had no one to talk to. I ruined my image in the town, i didnt care, i dont know what happened, i was not in my right mind, meanwhile i was planning of ways to run away from this abusive home, but i had no job i couldnt do that, i was high, sooo high … my head was racing, everything was so fast, it was like i was on drugs. i was crying everyday, i was suffering. then i decided to die with a suicide partner who was also my friend, she had her issues, she wanted to die because her image was also ruined in the town, but i know this is not a good reason to commit suicide over. i wanted to do it because i felt rejected and unloved, uncared, unwanted. i dont know how to explain the pain, im sorry :,( its hard to explain. but we couldnt find a place and a reliable way then i moved away from that town in a month of planning our suicide.
here iam 20 years old.. my past haunts me, i have severe paranoia today, manic depression, hallucinations, anxiety, voices in the head, severe suicidal tendencies and im not healed yet.