Im not sure were to start I’ve read a few posts here before but nothing more. For nearly three years I’ve wanted to die. I’ve attempted 4times only twice officially. I’ve had a mild drug problem for a year or so i think.
Im not really looking for pity or nothing im just tired im tired of it all. Im always looking for new methods as oding never works but i think what i need is a partner I’ve never been brave enough to die alone
planning on trying again after a special event in November. That should give me enough time to find someone who’ll come with me and say my goodbye. Im just tired of it all. Every time i look up to find hope all i see is the hopelessness of us all the death and destruction. Its soul destroying and im sick of it
4 comments
Tell me more. What’s been happening in your life that is making you feel this way?
I dont know where to start really? I’ve been like this for years but before the suicidal part i was just unhappy for years. My dad beat my mum me and my sisters up when we were kids and my uncle was abusive then too. When that all came out my nan disowned me. It ripped my family apart. It was then i started wanting to hurt myself then i started going to college and that’s when i became suicidal. its like my eyes opened and i saw the world the hate the destruction it held. less than a year after that i started drugs. im not sure if there’s anything else to say?
nothing recently triggered it its steadily built up to this. its just im honestly just tired of the world and all the shitty stuff in it. its exhausting to bear witness to :/
I don’t understand why your grandmother would disown you for this.
It seems like you have had your share of shitty stuff.
How are your mom and sisters now? How are they dealing with it?
she said she had to look after her son( the uncle who did that stuff) but i was really close to her so yea i couldn’t believe she disowned me either its gotten to the point where i have panic attacks when i think or seen her in the street.
my sisters are all okay so is my mum they’ve all moved on from it. so have i i think. well idk my therapists have all said that its still something i need to get out there but i really don’t think its thatbig a deal. the violence was normal for me it wasn’t like i knew any better. same with my uncle i didn’t understand it so i couldn’t grasp what was happening and thus it wasn’t a big deal for me, not until later at about 11when i properly understood what was going on that it affected me.
but idk its just crazy and i honestly just want to stop. stop feeling tired and angry and weak and like everything in the world is my fault. i want to stop feeling like that. therapy isn’t working it hasn’t since it started when i was about 13. the only relief i get is when i sh or take drugs or try and kill myself. that probably makes me sound crazy but its true and its fucking tiring to pretend otherwise