I can’t seem to do it. I have adhd. I get jobs and I try hard and in the end it’s always the same. I’m not going to kill myself because I know how it would screw up my kids, but I really want to die. I thought this time would be different. I got an ADHD coach, and I worked harder than I ever have to keep everything together. I loved my work. I kept a positive attitude.
i feel so hopeless. I’m so tired of feeling defeated. What’s it like to be good at something? Yes I want to kill myself. I just can’t.
lots of guys have it worse than me. Somewhere in the world there’s a guy being tortured in a prison cell that would trade places with me in a second. He could probably do my job Bette than me. I used to drink my troubles away but I can’t drink anymore. So I’m stuck with this unedited feeling of failure. It’s like someone is sitting on my chest.
I hate myself.
5 comments
try to see the past as a bad dream. sometimes help, well at least it worked for me sometimes.
Yeah…well: That guy is not you…and you are not him. You made different choices.
Just because you gave something different than an employer wanted, there is no following conclusion that you are deficient. To think such is an illogical conclusion.
I encourage you to take a moment to take a deep breathe and ask yourself if what your employer sought was something you were capable of giving. Personally, I find that I have to seek not a palatable job, but an allegiance to a managerial vision. Yes, this sounds “touchy/feely,” but life is what it is..and I am learning to accept myself as I am as well.
Bottom line: What is to be lost by shooting for the moon?
By the way: I wish the adults in my life would have taken pause about their children. That is an admirable thought on your part.
Im sorry it feels like failure and disappointment are what you create. Thats not the truth,though…..the truth is that you are good at things in a way that doesnt convert to what your employers require, expect,demand. You are living in a world that misunderstands you. Its very saddening and painful. You are good at things,my friend. Make a list of those things. Society as we understand it is not the only way to live,also. People leave …..they realize they hate living life in societal norms,and dont feel right in it. Its not for them. They leave. They drop out. They go to Alaska..Central or South America…they do things like become fisherman …do physical labors…find things to do that are unorthodox,also….Consider an alternative lifestyle,my dear. The children are a good reason t live, but as I stayed earlier in another comment, the children can hurt you the most of all. Im in this situation right now.its fucking horrible. Ive always said I would do it AFTER the kids were raised
,but idk if I can wait it out. Theyre teens. Yeah,it would hurt them…..but how many years of the pain and feeling of loneliness while being in the same home and life with them can one take? Anyway……sorry.im torn to bits. You dont want to die on th kids,so then, you must keep on going. I hope you can.You sound so kind..
Misanthrope: I’m going to shorten this because I am hijacking someone else’s thread, but: I waited out those teen years. It turned into a nightmare — no shit. We should talk.