10 years of gradual more mental ilness the more time has passed with an infinite maximum mental illness from a hernia losing sexual pleasure+lost childhood from anti depressant pills+alot of mental traumatization per mental illness+people being mean to me made me lose all my control of suicide homicide
basically,every suicide forum i went to made me want to kill myself more because they banned me for getting help to not kill myself
at this rate,theres a 2/3 chance that this very forum im posting this exact thing here onto will ban me and increase the likelyhoodedness of making me kill myself (due to me getting banned from 2 other suicide forums,and this one is the third one ive been too at all)
2 comments
I’m sorry to hear that 🙁 I can relate somewhat dude, its 11 years since I first went to the doctor for help and all thats happened is my bipolar has got worse, my white blood cell count is really low so I get ill all the time, and people are mean to me too IRL as I’m openly gay and either miserable and depressing or manic and a total prick(like now :P). You wont really get help for not killing yourself here, but it is cathartic to read what others are going through and knowing you’re not totally alone, and that at least someone will read what you have to say.
Why exactly did you get banned?
I’m cursed as well with mental illness. I have days weeks or months where I can’t function very well and just isolate myself until I usually end up homeless or evicted from places. I do good for awhile then fall apart. I understand how you feel mad hatter, I can be quite a prick too when I’m manic. I am also most likely one of the most depressing negative people to be around so I’m always alone. Having anxiety issues dealing with people sucks as well. I understand how people tormenting you can be a trigger. It happened to me as well, though I also was in a self destructive cycle wanting to die. Dying does seem preferable to living.