Monthly Archives

September 2014

My Ex Thinks I’m Psychotic

by TwistedSpace 9/17/2014

written by TwistedSpace

I decided to break my silence and apologize to my ex-Boyfriend for being such an overwhelming ***** to him on the day of our breakup. He told me that it’s okay, that he knows I have a mental condition. Mind you, he’s not basing this on anything other than his disdain for me. I was like whatever, though. He isn’t the first to assume I had something wrong with me, so I decided I wouldn’t let it ruin my time with him.

He began to tell me about some app — something that let’s you create an anime thing of yourself. Y’know, he would harp on […]

9/17/2014 4 comments

Trying this out. Hoping someone is out there?

by Autumn Jane Sky 9/17/2014

written by Autumn Jane Sky

Hi. I found this site last February by accident and have been popping in once and a while to check out posts. Today I decided to register. Why so? I’m not exactly sure. All I know is that I’ve tried two ways now to die, both have failed on numerous attempts. I’m seeing a psychologist and I’m on medication to control my anxiety problems and depression. I’m 4’2″ living with a type of dwarfism known as achondroplasia. I absolutely hate my body and luv carving it with pretty red sketches. There are voices inside my head and they aren’t all that pleasant. So Yeh, I’m […]

9/17/2014 25 comments

The worst of days

by nozmoking 9/17/2014

written by nozmoking

Wednesday – my official day off. My daughter works at the same office so I dragged myself out of bed and drove her to work. I would usually stop for a bite to eat on the way home but I’ve felt like puking for three days so I just went home, back to bed and waited for the sun to make my room too hot to tolerate again.

I ran out of pain meds days early so the “rationing” has me fighting withdrawal again. I don’t see the quacktitioner until Friday and the HMO I have wants all their patients off pain meds so thy don’t […]

9/17/2014 2 comments

Happiness

by shatteredsoul1350 9/17/2014

written by shatteredsoul1350

It may look like we have everything
Everything should be perfect so you can live the best life….
Wrong
Sometimes all you need is support and happiness
I can tell for some people, they have all that
As for me
I just want to be happy…

9/17/2014 1 comment

Hello all! Long overdue intro..

by The Mad Hatter 9/17/2014

written by The Mad Hatter

Just thought I’d introduce myself as I’ve been lurking and commenting for a while..

But yeah, Mad Hatter here, its been a pleasure hanging around chatting to the people here, I came here recently during a depressive episode looking for an easy way to kill myself – and I found the experience cathartic and decided to stay.

I’m 26 years old, bipolar & DDNOS and am openly gay. I’m a recovering drug addict, I took a vast array of illegal drugs every day for a decade before getting clean earlier this year after a major breakdown where I gave up my job and made a serious suicide […]

9/17/2014 49 comments

Frustrated beyond belief

by Wish1970 9/17/2014

written by Wish1970

How did I get here again? Ugh! I feel like I am never going to break free of this damn soul-disease that makes me hate myself. I feel numb and just want this continual emotional battle that I have going on inside of my head to just give it a rest and leave me alone already! How many more relationships do I sabotage? I have no friends and that is because I don’t want any. I believe that if someone gets to know the real me that they won’t be very impressed-so I push everyone away. I am not close to my parents and I […]

9/17/2014 2 comments

Not good but better

by gadfly 9/17/2014

written by gadfly

Things are still pretty bad inside my body. My head and heart hurt really bad, but not as bad. I want to go on Facebook and say I want to die, not because I’m planning suicide but because this feels really serious to me. But I don’t need a 72 hour hold and I think all the “buck up camper” replies I’ll get would make me throw up.

I’m frightened that I’m never going to be able to function at a job. What am I going to do with the rest of my life? I can’t keep giving my all over and over again only to […]

9/17/2014 1 comment

Alone

by dropdead_96 9/17/2014

written by dropdead_96

I’m sick, I have a cold, and no one is in home, even if I’m dying nobody will give a fuck about me.

9/17/2014 4 comments

let’s be friends

by death bunny 9/17/2014

written by death bunny

Let’s be friends, let’s talk and play and sing together. I don’t want to fight you. I already tried that, back when I was stressed and didn’t know that you actually came to help me, to pull me out of my shit. You’re my savior. Let’s learn how to live together, like siamese twins.

Joni Mitchell says “Blue, I love you” in her song Blue, which talk about acceptence and far from that, falling in love to the side which enslaves you. It’s not like you have much choice. If you are clinically depressed like me and want to experience life to the fullest before leaving […]

9/17/2014 1 comment

No one hears the screams for help :(

by lolapolanco214 9/17/2014

written by lolapolanco214

My pain.

Staying up all night wondering why your even alive.. Asking your self is it even worth being here ? Looking up to the moon and the stars while your tears are falling down your face. Looking down at your wrist and seeing all your scars. You close your eyes and reminiscing when you where that happy lil girl full of joy and faith. You open your eyes and your back to reality , where you hate everything about your self. You get out of your room and take a glance at your family apologizing to them in your mind for all the pain you’ve […]

9/17/2014 1 comment

What Is Book Of Eli

by Bisban 9/17/2014

written by Bisban

Alina, I had a dream of you; even though, I’ve never seen you..

I promise, we were just friends, but I know it can never but will it ever..

In that dream, it was cool but too good to be true in the chill house..

We were just pals and I punched you softly on the stomach..

By the way, I’m the type that never have dreams anymore..

I can’t remember the last time I touched somebody..

It felt real, we smiled and I never awoke.

9/17/2014 9 comments

…

by natashia 9/17/2014

written by natashia

Today as usual I woke up with anxiety barely letting me breathe, wanting to cry and going crazy in my head! I’ve been thinking for days now about overdosing but I’m such a stupid coward and I’m so scared of what comes after… I like to think in my head that once I kill myself I’ll go and be happy with my three babies, I’m 20 and yes, I’ve had 3 miscarriages, and I feel like that’s the biggest reason why I feel so depressed all the time, I miss them! I didn’t ever get to feed them, or hear them cry, they never got […]

9/17/2014 6 comments

by E 9/17/2014

written by E

today i came to the conclusion id rather have drug induced states of happiness over no happiness at all. maybe one day it can kill me. at least that way i can die happy. i don’t see it happening any other way.

9/17/2014 9 comments

I already feel dead

by toska 9/17/2014

written by toska

Um so.. I’ve been suicidal (on and off) ever since I can remember. I’m turning 22 next month and so I don’t have long, I don’t want to live past my birthday. Preferably, it’s when I’d like to leave this planet.

I’m not sad or angry or frustrated. I can deal with that. I feel like I’m holding my breath, waiting for that gasp of fresh air to bring me back to life. I feel crippled and it’s starting to effect work, work of which I hate doing ofcourse, I hate it all let’s be honest. this life thing isn’t for me, I’ve had a taste, […]

9/17/2014 3 comments

Angry

by bah 9/17/2014

written by bah

I’m so angry at everyone who’s screwed me over. SO many people. My entire life people have treated me like shit, ever since I was a baby, screwed me over, punished me for no reason. I am slighted at every turn. The injustices never end.

9/17/2014 2 comments

Dead end

by thisgirl1990 9/17/2014

written by thisgirl1990

I’m a good person, overall I don’t think there’s anything I do which is bitchy or dishonest. I really do live by the golden rule. Treat people how you want to be treated. I’m not even exaggerating. I really do.

I am quite a shy person. It come from a result of bullying throughout my childhood and onto my teenage years. Actually the first year of my life that I wasn’t bullied was when I was 17. (I’m in my mid 20’s now) Sometimes I wonder if I have some sort of social disorder, because even now I find it hard to connect and trust people.

9/17/2014 4 comments

Just to introduce myself

by Gollum 9/17/2014

written by Gollum

Howdy ,

I’m Gollum , male , 45 years old . Digital artist , broke , over-sensitive , tired , struggling with (“not-so-heavy-anymore”) depression since 2006 , when a very unexpected , painful & unhealthy divorce (after a decade and 1/2 of a very happy life) , put me in the deepest depths (ooo the pleonasm^^) of the well . I don’t have children btw .

Why Gollum as username ? (I could also have chosen Darth Vador , or Mr Hyde)

As an artist , I’ve always been into literature , imagery , music … Basically , I’m just fascinated by the evolution of these fictional characters […]

9/17/2014 9 comments

up and down, down, down

by death bunny 9/17/2014

written by death bunny

In everybody’s life there are ups and downs, but it seems like in my life there are ups and downs and downs and some more downs. And that goes for each and every day. I can’t stand it. This thing is driving me crazy. Correction – driving me to the edge of fucking putting a bullet through my freaking skull, because crazy I already am.

I’m on the verge of knocking myself out, hopefully with enough pills this time.

There is a part of me that do wants to live, to experience whatever may, but that part is very small. The other part, the dominent part, say […]

9/17/2014 9 comments

Sometimes is so difficult

by Abg 9/17/2014

written by Abg

Hello everyone, I’m 35, and I had deal with my fair share of depression since my teen years, but the crises didn’t last for long, but two years ago my mother passed away from cancer, my brother and I took care of her trough the whole disease it lasted for two years being the last 3 months of her life the most miserable ones, I tried to prepare myself to deal with her dying and the mourning phases but it has been already two years and the sadness keeps creeping up, it has been almost a month in which I have seriously contemplated the idea […]

9/17/2014 0 comment

by broken2017 9/17/2014

written by broken2017

I’ve come to realize that when someone asks any variation of “how are you?” They don’t want to hear the truth. They want to hear something along the lines of “I’m good, thanks.” So they can go on and not feel guilty about not having asked why you’re sad. If you didn’t admit it, you’re not right?
The same goes for when they do actually ask if you’re upset about something. They don’t want to hear that you feel like your entire life is crumbling around you, they just want to look like a caring person for five seconds.
So you hide behind “I’m fine” […]

9/17/2014 3 comments

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