I made a bunch of amazing friends my freshman year, i finally felt loved and excepted by these amazing people. I was surrounded by love, art, understanding, and passion. School ended i said my goodbyes and had to go home knowing i would not return to them in the fall. Summer went on and i was alone in a new city with only my brother and mom to keep me company; but that wasnt so terrible; one of my friends lives 40 mins away so id see her maybe once a week or a few days every other week; plus my best friend frmo school […]
Monthly Archives
September 2014
I’ve been depressed for the past three years of my life. No one knows about it but me. I’ve have scars all up my wrists but that doesn’t seem enough anymore these days and now more than ever I truly do want to die. Most people who are depressed actually have real issues. I dont . The only problem is myself I can’t seem to get out of this hole that I’ve dug for myself. I feel so stupid and I hate every aspect of myself I feel like every day I fail. I used to have close friends but they always seemed to make […]
I found it so hard to get out if bed this morning. I used to consider myself a Christian. So I prayed last night. Because I feel like I am fighting myself. Too many times I am fighting the urge to cut again or to pop pills. I feel like if anyone can help, the big man upstairs can because if he doesn’t I won’t be here much longer. I am constantly trying to stay strong, but I am not sure how long I can hang on. Honestly, any night could be the night.
So i didnt cut, but i started. i startd cutting since Thursday the 11th. I made a big cut and deep, but i treated it. Today i have around 20 cuts small but bleedable. On thrursday i also told my mum about the voices ive been hearing in my head telling me to kill myself. She told me that shes going to have to take me to therapy. Im actually happy. First, because ill get help. Honestly i dont want to die, ateast not yet. Second, ill be happy and carefree. Nobody nows about my cuts and the voices in my head only my mum, […]
As stupid as it sounds, I thought I would never be bullied.
I know suicide isn’t ever the answer. But it feels like the only option. I can’t live like this anymore. I’ll start from the beginning.
My name is Avolvia, as ugly as it is, I prefer Ava. I’ve always liked my name before I came to live in Mississippi. Before I came here, I lived alone. A runaway that no one looked for or cared for. I wandered everywhere and eventually ended up in the house of a nice old woman who I consider family to me. She took care of […]
I feel like everything is falling apart. I don’t know what to do or deal with this any more. I’m so stupid. I hate myself so much.
I don’t even know where to start, but then again it’s not like anybody will read this right? I’m just that invisible to the world. Invisible to my family, my presence always went by unnoticed. I would say I’m invisible to friends but I don’t have any. They all got relationships and forgot that I existed.
I hate being gay, I wish I wasn’t. I hate being black, I wish I wasn’t. I hate being alive, I wish I wasn’t. Does anybody know exactly how it feels to be an over weight homosexual? Can’t make friends because most are homophobic towards me. Can’t make gay friends […]
From what I’ve read the whole seven pounds scenario is nearly impossible to pull off. I’m looking for a volunteer to make me brain dead through strangulation. My goal is to save as many lives as I can. I want to die, but I want to try doing some good with my death. Obviously we can’t communicate via electronic means so finding alternate means I guess is the best method. I figure if I can pull this off I can save some lives by my death. The U.S should allow people who want to die and want to donate their organs to do so in […]
Only 10 days left until the 2 year mark. Wow. This slaps me right in the face, even though I’ve seen it coming for months now. Ah man, this month is flying and the 25th is gonna be here before i even realise and it’s gonna hit me, just like last year.
And then five days after the 25th, it’s our birthday. Oh i don’t want another birthday without my brother, he should be turning 19 wow what? I don’t want to turn 17 if he’s not here with me to turn 19.
I really don’t want to. I dont wanna ‘celebrate’ anything and people are […]
You know when somebody says “You shouldn’t be around people who make you unhappy.” There’s only one person that makes me unhappy, and that’s my mom. The worst part is I am forced to be around her. She is emotionally abusive and she claims that she has never said anything bad to me. She says I’m a *****, a drama queen, that I’m crazy, and she hopes I run away. She is the reason i cry so much. I’ve suffered from depression since I was 8, and my mom has always belittled me about it. My older brother at the age of 7 had a […]
If anyone needs to talk please feel free to message me or contact me 🙂
What do I want to do with my brief time on this wonderful planet? I mean life goes so fast. Why throw it away?
Except that all I really want right now is to not feel this anymore. Loneliness. Fear. Isolation. Loss. Self-hatred. Longing. Emptiness. Anger.
There are so many interesting things I could be doing with my time. But nothing means anything anymore. Nothing feels worthwhile. Whatever I’m doing, my underlying feelings remain focused on the life I can’t live.
How can you function, and not descend into destructive behavior, when regardless of what you do, there’s this hole inside sucking in all your attention?
Drinking doesn’t help. […]
I’ve tried cutting burning head banging hair pulling bitting I even used to to try to stop breathing when I was younger , but this has got to be the most fulfillingly agonizing thing I’ve done to myself and I want to continue to do it. You guys should try it, I heard I can even get ulcers in my stomach lol.
I’ve always wanted to fall un conscience hopefully my body will just get too weak
I like a lot of things about this site but the one thing I like is that there is a lot of compassion and understanding but also honesty. I think that if you post your thoughts, expect to get real thoughts in return. If you can’t accept honest feedback… and maybe I’m just totally losing it now since I will die next week but I find it funny that someone deletes another person’s comment to their post but then comments on the deleted comment.
Before anyone else leaves a comment on how depression is not discriminatory please go back reread and realize that is not what I said I simply said that it is least expected out of me now go to google type in depression and click images .. Thank you.
So I am not currently trying to kill myself, well as of now that is not the plan. I’ve been starving myself for about a week and a half so that I can feel how bad it hurts, if things work out perfectly I’ll be near death and in excruciating pain before I eat anything. Things are actually going good , I was 105lbs when I started and today I am at 97lbs when I stand I get dizzy and my stomach is constantly growling but I actually have completely lost my appetite the smell of food makes me nauseas and I’m so fatigued that […]
fuck Reality ! Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks ! Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring ! movies, novels books, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
by niki
written by niki
fuck Reality ! fuck real life ! fuck real world !
Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks !
Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring !
movies, novels, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
there is no MAGIC, no SUPERPOWER , no ‘cool, magical’ SUPERHERO / SUPERHEROES like in those movie , novel , comics , game / games , manga / anime , etc etc !
FUCKING BORING real world / real life / reality !!!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans, I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING […]
I only mean that , when I tell people I am depressed they usually assume that I am lying because it is less likely to hear of African Americans admitting to suffering from depression.
Hey so is there an app for this website