Thank you guys so much for welcoming me so soon. I came upon this website because I have anxiety OCD where I have reoccurring thoughts of killing myself and I usually find myself researching suicide late at night when I can’t sleep which has been very often lately. I came to this website as a source of relief but didn’t think id actually hear from anyone else especially not so soon. & so now I have a good feeling about this place . Thnks so much .
In today’s society depression and suicide are always on a back burner. They do not talk about it because what would they say? They say just don’t do it. Just be happy. If it were that easy if be happy yesterday . I’d have already flipped my happy switch. Even more so for me being an African American female, people are totally confused. Only because a young privellaged white boy has become the poster child for depression, where everyone is there if they need anything. But when a young African American female is depressed it is so unusual . And so I am deemed crazy […]
Hi, I don’t know if I’m allowed to say but my name is Jacob, and in my opinion I’m too young too know what I do. I learnt that I wasn’t ready for the real world when I was thirteen, I’ve done some big things that I both regret and don’t regret but first let me tell you why I don’t like males.
when I was young, about ten or twelve (I can’t remember exactly), I was raped by a sixteen year old, he was my girlfriend at the times brother. I had a faze around then where I turned gay because I didn’t know about […]
I don’t know how this works, I’ve never done this before but I need some kind words right now. I’ve lost a part of myself. It’s so hard to be happy. So hard to be motivated. Surrounded by people but if you open up they always leave. 2 psychologists are helping me work through what happened, but I just need a friend.
My life story – I was always the happy one. But I was raised in a post apocalyptic cult and was psychologically abused until 21. I come from a broken family with domestic violence. My mum is not mentally there, still severely damaged from sexual abuse at a […]
I will be ending it once I get some affairs in order, I’ve said it before but I simply have nothing left and am exhausted to the core. Despite everything I’ve never been an evil person and was already suffering badly when you decided to start tormenting me and forming coalitions by deception and hacking tricks to do your best to ruin my life any way you could. I’m tired of living like this, I’m sure after I’m gone you will celebrate that you caused the death of another human being. I may have no accomplishments in my life but that is one I’m glad […]
‘Streets Of Rage’
Every night I cry for my life from abyss.
I search for you inside the pond.
But my chained binary.
Alchemy.
What will save me.
The music, take me back in time.
Phoenix is the resurrection but there is no one.
Time versus intervention of divine.
Before I die.
Before I die.
Press ‘start’ and never die
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftKSa5U4orQ
The 4 Horsemen of Lotus
On September 10th after what had possibly been the worst 2 months of my life, heartbroken for the 100th time in a row, alone, hopeless, I decided to give myself only one more month to live. I decided to be romantic about the date since is the first anniversary of the death of my second child.
I have to admit, a month sounded like no time at all but it has turned out to be quite long. Whit no affairs to sort, no family or friends to write to, no debts to clear (and no money to pay them if I had them) no job to […]
Standing in front of a mirror has never been more freighting.
seeing every flaw,every imperfection,every blemish on your body.
its a nightmare.
you stare too long and then you start to see how your hair isn’t quite right and your eyes are shaped weird.
you get lost in this feeling Of disgust and despair inside but outside you show no emotion.you’re in a silent war against your self.
and all you want is for someone to see,to hold you tight and say you’re beautiful.but no one will.
and suddenly you’re looking back at the mirror and you see is ugly.if only someone would say you aren’t
I left for a while because I thought my life was getting better. I had my suicide planned but didn’t go through with it. My financial situation improved and things were almost looking up. Mom’s health has been returning and some of the people living with us moved out.
But then I received a dose of soul crushing reality today that just threw me right back to the end of the line. I made a post about this before but here’s a recap : I’ve never had luck with love. My love has mostly been unrequited. I’ve been in love for the past two years […]
I’m young,a teenager,a time where emotions are strong and difficult to handle.I know that.i know that I’m growing up and these raw emotions will dull down later,but I wish they would go away now. I’ve never been good at math,never a strong point for me.I recently got a new math teacher (because of me going into eighth grade) and he’s really hard to understand.He keeps saying all theses things he’s teaching us are ‘easy’ and ‘basic’ and I just feel so stupid for not understanding it.When I told my parents they didn’t seem to care to much.I know they love me but sometimes they make […]
If I kill myself I feel like I still don’t win.People are still gonna talk about me like did Carlos really kill himself??What a *****,what a wuss.& my brother??He’s gonna talk non-stop shit about me.I don’t know why he hates me.I don’t love him cause he’s my brother,I just him love & It hurts my heart to know he hates me.To everyone I’m sorry I’m a fuck up.I’m sorry I suck at everything I do.
it’s come to this. see some of y’all in the after life
I’m alone now, truly, ignored by the people that were in my life. I’ve pushed away now accepting that it is done and I have been spiraling. The weather is changing getting cooler now and for some reason that is making me depressed. I was numb for about 8 months and now all those months of pain that I was suppressing all that anguish that I was ignoring well it’s making its presence known. I have a pain so intense that I can feel it down to my very core, I feel like I’m drowning in it. I have cried so hard lately and felt […]
I’ve gotten all business attended and done I’ve got everything in order now I just have to do it finally I’ll be free from my abuse all my pain I don’t belong in this world was there any doubt I would die early not in my mind I knew at a youngest age that it would end with a bullet through the mouth and soon it will be done
Like so many of us, I’ve nowhere to go with this. But I need to post somewhere. Briefly, I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, an HIV survivor and had a heart attack a year ago. Now I’ll probably have to do the hospital again.
In the past few days I’ve had an increasingly painful ache under my right ribcage that becomes worse if I try to roll over in bed or cough. Suddenly this afternoon, almost without warning, I felt like I’d been stabbed there, fell out of my office chair, against the desk and briefly passed out. I’m not one for drugs – no, […]
Everything has caught up to me again and I am once again obsessed with putting a bullet in my brain. I should have seen it coming – I’ve let things build up. Old ghosts, a recent death of someone once more important to me than life itself, old pain and new pain. The shit has piled up on me and I am suffocating.
I should know better. I should deal with things as they come. But I just can’t. I don’t have that much control over my own life. I am such a useless piece of crap to myself and to everyone around me. It doesn’t […]
When I feel like I can’t make it, coming here makes my day a lil easier. Just having a place where I feel like I can talk openly about situation really helps. I thanks everyone for listening and talking with me. I may still feel suicidal or like I am getting close to the edge, but at least here I am not looked down because of it…
All I wanted more than anything this weekend was to come home from college, drive the five hours to see my friends and family for my birthday weekend. I now realize it was a bad idea, I was so hypermanic yesterday when I came home, literally haven’t been that happy or excited for anything in ages. I have to leave tomorrow morning and I’m so terribly homesick even though I’m still here. It was like nothing changed, I had a bad nightmare that I was at college and I woke up and everything was okay. I don’t know what to do, I hate it there […]
This is a slightly edited version of a comment I left on someone else’s post, but I wanted to extend this invitation to the SP community:
Would any of you guys be interested in keeping in touch in some capacity on Facebook? I created a Facebook account specifically for this purpose, and if you wanted to do that, we could keep in touch while protecting our anonymity.
I’ve realized that one of the things I miss the most about the friendship I recently lost was that, most days, we’d touch base here and there throughout the day (we live in different cities). And this didn’t necessarily mean […]