Walking into terrible darkness unable to end it

I thought I could do it kill myself, but every time I try I am unable to seal the deal. I think I’m unable to kill myself, thinking of dying brings me some measure of peace but I don’t have it in me to end it despite having no hope or no future to look forward to. I don’t know why I can’t end it. I got involved in something so insane that it’s right out of a B movie plot. I got targeted by hackers then I made enemies of a whole community of people on a site called Zero Hedge. Now they are all out to destroy my life and it sounds like they will succeed. It sounds like I’m going to jail for a long time, I’m 28 years old I had plans for a future and now I have no future yet still I can’t end it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why can I still live even when I have no hope or no future to look foward to and only pain and suffering in jail? I want the sweet embrace of death more than anything but can’t seal the deal, there is a part of me in my subconcious that stops me. How do you over come that? Or am I doomed to suffer in darkness while in jail. There are too many people out there who wish to see me suffer so I know I stand no chance against them. I just wonder will there be any life left for me to live or are they going to throw away the key because I said some stupid things. How does someone find any light in the darkness?