After he left me, I turned upside down. I thought sleeping with guys would help me forget him, maybe i actually thought the guy i was with would actually love me, but that was all a joke. It would never be love, it was all lust. That’s all it is now adays is lust, maybe for a second i honestly thought i had feelings for these guys. Now, sex isn’t pleasurable.. i just want it to be done with when i have it. Maybe i thought i could honestly numb out the feelings for him with other guys, because alcohol wasn’t working with me, smoking either. Popping pills, i felt something. Nothing ever good enough to feel though.
I will never understand this worthless feeling.. but i’ve made it worse by doing this
17 guys.. and i’m only 16.. How disgusting can i more become? I’m a sinfull monster that cannot find my way out of this deep darkness. As i scream and scream for help .. nothing but silence from the north to the south.