Mid 20s, female. I wanted to go to grad school but my GPA is a bit below 3 so I feel like that decimates my chances. My degree is useless without going to grad school. I feel like a failure. I struggled with depression and weight my last year which made me lose my good GPA I have worked to lose 100 lb but I am still unhappy inside. Been on meds all my life but the depression is still there, deep down. I’ve always thought about the possibility of killing myself in a painless way. Death has fascinated me since I was 5.
I work in a hospital. I don’t make much money. Sometimes I watch people on suicide watches. It’s so ironic. I have walked in and stopped people from strangling themselves but inside, I want to die too. I’ve wanted to say “I know how you feel” but I must be professional.
My family is my rock. I am fearful of life without the emotional support of my parents and I do not want to go on without them.
I do not like how this world is turning out. I don’t want to be around to see it get worse.
Have no children and don’t want any. My boyfriend would be broken if I left but I think he knows it will happen, deep down, at some point. Hopefully he will forgive me, hopefully my family will forgive me.
I am looking into ordering ********. I want this to he quick and painless. I don’t want to suffer, I just want to sleep. I am preparing myself emotionally and physically to let go and go into the void.
10 comments
I can relate to how you feel in some ways. I’m 23 messed up my gpa my entire first three yrs at community college. All I did was feel worthless and useless like a failure. I was diagnosed bipolar and put on meds. Nothing changed, but that’s because I wasn’t trying to change mentally I was relying on the meds to change me on my therapist to change me on my boyfriend to change me. I was waiting for life to get better. One day I woke up and I was trying to figure out what career path I wanted to follow I was taking classes pushing myself to make As and Bs. Got my gpa up from a 2.0 to a 3.0 and I made the presidents list two years in a row. I transferred to a four year university and figured out the career path I truly wanted. I have a 2.8 gpa so far at this new school. The one thing I learned is you gotta give yourself credit for the little things a 2.8 gpa isn’t amazing but it’s pretty good considering and I don’t give myself credit sounds like your similar. The thing is YOU have to take initiative and turn things around. Work towards that 3.0 gpa go to grad school it’s not impossible really because I went from a 2.0 gpa to a 3.0 I went from making Ds and Fs to making As and Bs it’s possible you just have to be willing to do the work and put in the effort. Sure the world is a messed up place in general but you have your own little bubble in this world with your family and friends and that little bubble is what you make it.
It’s much more than just the grade thing. I just want to go. I’m sick of this life and just want to sleep.
It will be difficult to find a reliable seller for ********. Consult the peaceful pill handbook from exit to decrease chances of getting scammed.
For a long time I stakes my self-worth on grades too. When I got out of school I staked my self worth on work. But everything crashed and burned. You are far ahead of me because you realize that family and relationships are the most important thing….
As for me, I will be dying by gunshot in the next few weeks. I plan to aim two guns at my head (one aimed up diagonally 45 degrees inside my mouth and a second gun pointed behind or above my ear). I’m really really looking forward to it. I can’t wait to end my suffering.
I have access to guns and have thought about that but it would be with my dad’s guns and he loves hunting and sport and I think if I did that, it would ruin his hobby for him and I am not that cruel to do that to him.
******** it is.
Of course your family and boyfriend will forgive you. They probably won’t blame you in the first place. Survivor’s guilt pretty much assures they will never forgive themselves though. BTW…how does one prepare oneself emotionally and physically for death? A sincere question. Another quick question. Since by your reckoning that you will soon cease to exist…why does it matter if anyone forgives you? I am not being facetious…just curious.
Be careful with that decision. If you survive a drug OD (and if you try with anything other than barbiturates you are very likely to survive) and get thrown into a psych ward, you will be banned from purchasing firearms, possibly for life. There was a user here last year who spent four years attempting to purchase a firearm before he managed to get one illegally. Some states have a loophole but its not guaranteed…
Even if I attempt by another method, I am glad that I have purchased my firearms already.
I just don’t want them to harbour hate in their hearts because I know what that feels like and hate will hurt you. I don’t want them to hurt but at the same time, I don’t want to hurt either.
I intend to get enough so it works. I’ll have a program on my computer send out an email several hours once I’m gone. No last min texts and ambulance calls.
Hi, email me at andrewholstein1@gmail.com please?
Or send me a kik at Kalmahavak please?
I’d like to be your to be your friend. 🙂 I could use one…and I know you could too. 🙂
Where do you buy ********?