My feet are clammy from the marathons I am forced to run in my mind. Was that you that came to me in the hopeless dark of the night? Or are these blessed visions an after image of a cursed mind? My soul is an enigma. It baffles the masses and their fear overruns their ignorance. Alas, even I am perplexed by what I have become. A solitary phantom drifting down a rocky precipice but it cannot reach the dark waters. I wish I could ascend on starry wings though this is just a fantasy, once cherished. So what will be the method of my liberation? A rope, a bullet? A blade from which the grenadine liquid pools? I have not come to a conclusion because the more time allows, the greater the deliberation. The greater the delay. The greater the fool.
For most of my life, I carried on with the idea that if I could help as many people as I could, perhaps then they would need me and my life would have meaning. I was wrong. Nobody needs me. I am not worthy….
I am an infection. A worthless shadow dissipating at the end of the day when they are not forced to see me. In my mind, I beg: don’t look at me! Please don’t see the rotting corpse.
6 comments
What you are is a very talented writer. I am envious of your skill. You do have worth in this world–perhaps your liberation could be writing. I think your life could have meaning if your writing let others know they are not alone in their struggles. You never know whose day you will change by your posts.
You have my attention…I lost the man I was with for 28 years to suicide. I did not know how to relate to him and he did not have the words to express the pain he felt. You could put all of that to words and help people like us.
Thank you, all. I have a lot of writings that will never be seen by the public because there are other people more talented than I that have the option to publish. Even so, the majority of the public is not interested in the things I write. It forces them to see what they would rather stay ignorant to. I am sorry for your loss, love. But I am happy that you tried to understand his pain; not many do. Thank you all for your kind words. But I am so tired of fighting. It is better that ghosts like me fade into vanishing vapors.
People do need, don’t do it, there are other freedoms to be had, we need more intelligent people on this earth, please don’t do it, besides, you don’t want more idiots romeing around,make the most of your life, people do change, there hope yet, be like a true angel and fight for your freedoms, that what life truley about.
Apologies, but you are wasting your time. There are others in the assembly line of humanity that will take my place.
GalaxyEyesXx,
“For most of my life, I carried on with the idea that if I could help as many people as I could, perhaps then they would need me and my life would have meaning.”
I can relate so much to this – thank you for writing it. And I don’t believe that nobody needs you. That line alone tells me you are valuable.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
I am glad you could relate to my words. At least that much I’ve accomplished.