I am 24 years old, i have been fighting depression for about 4 years now. It all began when the girl i was in love with for 5 years was raped and she became different and left me. i have attempted suicide once and failed, i was locked up in a suicide watch institute for 3 days (worst thing ever they take everything from you and you sit in silence wanting to die even more) luckily my sister worked there and got me out. My current gf recently left me because i was too depressed of a person, i loved her with everything i had left in me and she was absolutely everything to me. She moved on as if i was nothing, and thats what i am now – nothing. My mind isnt right, it dwells and cannot forget, i am on medication but thats barely helping, everyday is an anxiety depression filled nightmare.
i grew up in a very poor family, we had nothing coming to this country, all i ever wanted was success, but ive come to learn that money is meaningless, it truly cannot buy you happiness. i am alone as a person still and cant find the strength to smile. my mind dwells and is stuck in a dark place. im coming to the end of my ropes, i want to wake from this nightmare and i hope i will by ending this life.
5 comments
Do you remember how terrible you felt after your former gf left you? I am sure you do and I can only imagine how hard that was for you. But you are here and you survived the pain. It might have made you depressed but it also made you stronger. You have survived all the suffering and learned to love again. This is amazing. It doesn’t matter how that relationship ended. The thing is that it will make you stronger and you will find and love someone deeper than ever! Wait for her! Live for her!
Do it man, serious you sound like your lot of pain, please don’t mistake this for me being callous I have lot of respect for people making there own choices, I don’t want to force you to live, but this is entirely up to you,but I advise you to think about first just make sure.
K1T3,
KeepSurviving is right – you have survived a lot of pain and have proven to yourself that you can pick up the pieces and love again. Believe that it will happen again.
L4Y
“My mind isnt right, it dwells and cannot forget”
This is a pretty common problem among those of us who are predisposed to depression. I think many people take for granted the ability to put things behind them and move forward, or at least to *temporarily* set painful things aside long enough to function and accomplish basic day-to-day tasks. When one is unable to do even that, every day becomes an exercise in misery.
You say you’re on medication that is barely helping. Have you considered talking to your doctor about tweaking your dosage or trying a different medication? Are you seeing, or have you considered seeing a therapist or counselor, someone who can help you learn some coping skills to get you through the worst of it? Medication and therapy aren’t for everyone, and they won’t magically make everything better. But the obsessive ruminating you describe IS something that can often be helped with the right medical treatment, and if you learn some coping skills for when you see yourself heading down that path, you may find yourself in a much better place.
All the best to you, K1T3. I’m in a similar place right now. Here’s hoping we both find some relief soon.
my advice? fuck it all and go cold and stop giving a fuck about anything except yourself.