Hi,
this is my first time here and I have no clue how I ended up like this,it all started by being ignored my best friends and family. Then I was fine for two months…….
now,I am bipolar,I have binge disorder and I self harm,and I sometimes starve.
this might sound like a few stuff but believe me,it is really hard to deal with. Since I have a abusive mom and She always EMBARSSES me.
Anyways,I met a friend that i did the first deep cut for because I thought he was dead,This is when my addiction started and now I wear a bandage around my leg. I sometimes panic because my dad asks me if he could see it,anyways
yesterday I went to the gym for the first time and they have a pool,
and I might drown,i wrote my suicide note.
why? You ask,because I had enough,I had enough of being distinctive and not being the best friend that’s there for everyone,I want to be a boy and my mom hits me because of that,I have gay thoughts and my mom tells me I’m going to hell,I just had enough of being judged,ignored and being different.
Anyways,I want to drown because I’m scared of cutting really really deep,hanging or swallowing pills,I know how to swim but I’ll try to drown.
i have till tomorrow.
Goodbye,and see you later. (maybe)
4 comments
You’ve done nothing wrong. That’s the simple answer.
The way you’re being treated and how to keep going is a little longer. Bipolar disorder, binging, and starving are more than a “few stuff.” You have some things that you’re struggling with and you deserve some support. It’s sad that nobody is giving it to you. If you want to be a boy, then you should be a boy. Maybe it’s not possible now… but it might be possible later. Sometimes things take time to happen.
You will always have your family… but that doesn’t mean your family is always correct. Sometimes they, like others, make mistakes. I doubt you’re going to hell. In the future, you will probably be away from your family… university, working, traveling, or something else. I know it’s tough but try not to let others destroy your future. You should determine your future.
I won’t discuss cutting. Hopefully, you’ll get some support and things will change. Don’t give up on yourself. Think about the things you want to do in the future. Plan for them. Have hope.
No “Goodbye”… Just “see you later”
Having gay thoughts isn’t going to send you to hell man, just be a good person and all will be well hey.
i used to cut…deeeep….i can understand what you get out of it……i used to be ashamed of all the scars, my arm reads like a road map to perdition….but now, in an very odd way, i’ll grant you, the closest i can come to explaining my feelings at present would be pride…..everyone has scars,but i’m not afraid to show mine, not that i have a choice in the matter now, but i could liken them to a self proclaiming banner that shouts “fuck you, yes i’m broken in places, yes i’m diffrent, there has been an overabundence of tourture and demons in my life, both personal, and those afflicted upon me, but look what i’ve lived through….could you live thru this? doubtful
and as to your befuddeled sexual orientation, unless you are of the very rare breed, so rare that there very existence is questioned, that wakes up one morning and over black coffee and egg whites decides he all of a sudden has a great intrest in cock, then i assure you, how you feel is not a damnable offense. while i beleive it’s true t
hat god plays so many jokes its a wonder where he finds the time to ever laugh, i think god rarely, if ever, endulges his ironic side. therfore i would like to cast a very dark shadow of serious doubt that he would create you as you are, and with your natural affections falling where they do, if it were in fact a sin.