My story

Idk what to say…I guess I’ll talk about what made me the way I am. I’ve been suicidal and a cutter since I being the youngest of ten kids I could never speak up about how I felt. Who’d listen? I was being molested by my big brother…the family secret. When I was ten I finally tried telling my mom what was happening, she promised to make it stop…it didn’t. Every night I’d be in bed and wake up and feel my brother’s hand going up my nightgown. I would kick him to make him go away….I didn’t dare scream for fear my parents would blame me. I kept tgis secret all the way to my freshman year…where a serious of events led me to tell the police what was happening. To my horror my parents found out, and I was forced and threatened with the fear of my parents and brother being arrestedto say I lied. I did tgis because I was scared…but I lost my parents and my sister. Only one of my brothers talked to me. For two years my parents ignored me…only talking to me to yell and threaten me. My senior year I fell in love with a guy named Mitchell. He seemed perfect, and I’d do anything for him…little did I know he wouldn’t care. He cheated on me with my best friend….I took him back and still loved him. He asked for topless and naked pics….I sent them. I did all this because I was scared of losing the person I loved…but I didn’t realize he didn’t love me. I didn’t realize until about two weeks ago he didn’t love me like I loved him. Ironically it took me falling for my old crush of 11th grade Ricardo. He was always the guy I wanted…sweet and cute, but someone just as stubborn as me that I could fight with. Idk if he’d agree with me about this…but he’s actually the person I’d credit with saving my life. Despite being molested, raped, beaten, and even being an atheist he still cares about me. He made me promise to never cut myself again…and I plan on keeping that promise. I don’t wanna lose the chance of being with him because of my proble….I hope he can understand them and help me over come it, including the fear of being touched and kissed…the fact that kept us apart in the first place. I hope one day I can be with, kiss him and even share my real first time with him…it’s embarrassing but I really do like him a lot…he’s someone I could maybe one day love. So maybe my story can have a happy ending, with a prince I always dreamed of, who saves me from my prison….which I can’t escape on my own…so until the day I’m saved I still dream of my knight in shining armor (and I hope it’s Ricardo) to save me. Because I can’t get a job…my parents don’t let me out the house, or do they let me do what I want. So they made sure to imprission me…so I wait for the day I can be happy and the abuse ends, and love begins