I went to a psychiatric testing place last week, and I’ve got to go back again Monday. I’ve noticed that I express far fewer symptoms of depression than I had years ago. For instance, I don’t actively want to commit suicide, but I still wish to stop existing. I sleep whenever I can, because there is nothing to do at all that means anything. I don’t want a job because there is no point, and I’m currently mentally incapable of having one, as I break down about a couple of weeks in, realising how pointless and worthless I am and that my job suggests the opposite, which is total bullshit. I know I’m worthless and that the universe doesn’t need me, but everyone around me suggests otherwise. Why can’t they just let me die? I might have to pay someone off to kill me. There’s a lot of stupid people where I live, and all of them are happy.
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You are NOT worhtess. You are just as important as anybody else. You just need to learn to redirect your thinking and learn some coping skills. Things do have meaning. What you do with your life does mean something to you and to others around you. Find something positive to do with your time. Something that brings you joy. Or you could do something to help others out. that would give you a purpose in life and make you feel good about yourself. There is nothing wrong with working. Working is a challange and then you get a paycheck and then you can use the paycheck to pay your bills and do some fun things and you will feel good that what ever you do with the money you made. You earned it. Earning something makes it more enjoyable.
some people have everything given to them. but then they dont pprecite it becuase they didnt earn it. For years I had low paying jobs and did not have a super fancy life… but the few things I had I really enjoyed because I earned it. But if your not ready to work at the moment then maybe you shouldl time to work on your inner self. Read some motivational books and start making plans for your future.
But I AM worthless. Everyone is. Everyone is going to die and be forgotten. Trying to be happy is difficult because I know that my happiness is just a distraction from death, which is just the next thing after life. I feel like I have lived long enough to end my conscious existence. Happiness doesn’t seem to stop this feeling either.
I know what it’s like to be bitter about the whole life scenario and it being pointless. Its a hard concept to shake, and no one is saying that it goes away. Some people are fortunate enough to walk through life never questioning it, like we all do. No one can really give you or grant you meaning in your life. Life is full of three kinds of people..
1. People who agree with you
2. People who disagree with you
3. And people you’ll never understand at all
It’s up to you to choose what to believe in this life. It’s up to you if you want to change how you view things, because what you see won’t change itself.
You have to give yourself answers, the answers you are looking for, the ones that give your life meaning away from suicide (if you truly want to live) ..and when you figure out what you want to believe, seek out those #1 people who agree with you and validate you.. fuck anyone who disagrees
That’s what life is all about if you want to live it and love it on your own terms. And when you feel you found the strength you were looking for, use it to put yourself in a position where very few people can control your life and make you question yourself. Call your own shots!
Life can be worth the trouble, that’s what I believe in
Thanks
Yes, you are right. There is no point in anything. Just waiting for death. But so what… Waiting for death is boring so why not distract yourself with something you enjoy. As you said death is coming anyway.