So today I started posting on this blog for suicidal people. I posted and eventually a buncha people started egging me on to cut myself some more. Obviously I have terrible self esteem so I did it. I started broadcasting my cutting. They were asking for it. So I did it. How did my life get so bad? Why is my timing in life so bad? Nobody will ever understand. They’ll all just assume. Assume assume. All I’ve ever wanted is a girlfriend. I went to a seminar in las vegas to gain confidence with woman. Shortly afterwards I had sex with the first non hooker I’d ever been with.
Then my fucking brother went behind my back and ruined that relationship. The same brother who I gave $15k to to save his house. Now I’m completely broke. There’s no such thing as genuine conversation. My family is ruined. I hate myself and want to die.
17 comments
You’re wrong. There are genuine conversations. Please pay attention to my comments under your previous posts. I will repeat it once again: here’s my mail vorkonzert [at] gmail . com
Don’t hesitate to email me. We can talk, but I guess that the true help could be only an ambulance and a meeting with shrink.
You have a ton of people on here that are willing to talk it out with you. I’ve read your precious threads, and many offered to talk.
That’s all anyone can do on this side. You have to reach back to them. You need to do something about your cuts. Life is worth living, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. There is a road of amazing life experiences ahead of you. You cannot see it right now, but there are many avenues just waiting up ahead for you to experience. As well, there will be someone to love you, but you have to get yourself better first.
*previous threads
they’re never going to stop assuming things. I’m going to keep telling the truth…the truth that they have no reason to believe (rightly so because of my past lies). But I am telling the truth, have no reason to lie and this all just wears me out. They’re wrong. All my relationships have been ruined.
But there is two, three, four times more just waiting for you! The way to find the beloved one is hard and if these relationship were destroyed, they weren’t the real ones. True love is something that will survive.
LittleBead is right, truly. Pleas take care.
It’s no wonder you feel so terrible. Everything that is happening to you has been pushing you to the edge. I really wish things worked out better for you, I wish you got the love you deserve to have, I wish your brother realizes his faults, or even just one good day to remind you to be strong.
But I can only offer you words. It’s your choice to put things into action. It’s up to you whether you want to choose to follow the troll’s words or the nice people’s words.
Eitherway, I want you to take a break, clear your head, go eat, read, run, whatever, just… give yourself a moment of peace.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through and I hope you find what’ll make your life happy. But please, for the sake of everyone else who you’re thinking of when posting those pictures: SP is not a gore thread on 4chan. I wonder why the admins don’t delete those threats, but heck it’s their website, not mine. Have you thought about the consequences of what you’re doing? That already depressed and disoriented human beings may get encouraged to do the same things you’re doing? Have you considered how kids and teenagers who use this site as well may react to those pictures? People who use SP shouldn’t be scared to be confronted with a picture of a brutally defaced part of your body everytime they open this website.
Again, I am sorry for the pain your going through, but that is no reason to do the horrible things you’ve done.
Oh come on. Anyone who comes here and is depressed will be able to deal with those images much better than someone who has never felt like doing something like that. If anything it will deter them thinking about it from doing so. If you can’t deal with people having problems maybe you should stop visiting this site.
Claire, I’ve always enjoyed reading your comments and you come across as a genuinely decent person, but I have to respectfully disagree that cyberbullied has done anything “horrible”. In poor taste, sure, but even that’s a matter of opinion.
Cyberbullied doesn’t seem to have a sense of the general readership here yet, and what’s considered appropriate or acceptable. As you’ve alluded to, on other websites, his photos are par for the course.
I guess I sort of empathize with cyberbullied, since I myself have a very hard time sometimes getting a “read” on people. I have no idea half the time why some people seem to be well-received and others aren’t. It all seems really arbitrary.
You know, if you always do what people dare you to do, I dare YOU to stop cutting yourself for a whole year. I dare you to get your life back on track. I dare you to be happy. How about that?
I dare you to get from you high horse and try to understand a human being in pain.
I think, as with most people on this site, ClairDeLune is probably familiar with pain, himself, already. Just sayin’.
Hi cyberbullied,
I understand you desire to have a girlfriend. I too wanted nothing more than to have a girlfriend and I was 22 when I had my first. I thought everything would be better. Unfortunately neither of us was really happy with the other but we stuck together for 2 years and I got even more depressed than I was before. Then I managed to break up with her (I had to move to another town to have a reason). Half a year later a found my current girlfriend (or rather she found me) and I’m still not happy. I would rather have several female friends than one girlfriend. Instead I moved in with her. Not very smart.
What I’m trying to say: girlfriends aren’t that great. Don’t really on someone else to make you happy. That does not work. Try to find something that you enjoy. Some work helping others or a hobby that you enjoy. If you are happy with your life people will admire you and girls will be attracted to you. But it is you job to make your life enjoyable. Not you girlfriends.
I hope you get better and please stop cutting yourself. If it gets too much try hitting yourself with blunt objects so it does not leave permanent marks. You will get attention by cutting, but not the kind of attention you want.
The workshop you went to, was it one of those with Kezia Noble? If been thinking about going to one…
Held
sorry, that was supposed to be toplevel
I’m glad you were still able to post after that. Please get that looked after though. I know you are probably in a poor state of mind at the moment but there are people here who care. As a former person who was bullied, who used to cut (never even close to that extent though I’ve wanted to and still think about it sometimes), who recalls what was like having $0.87 in the bank and years of being on food stamps while growing up, who has trouble forming relationships, has social anxiety, little self-confidence, and self-esteem issues, I can tell you that I care and probably understand how you feel in many ways.
I’m not going to tell you that it’s wrong to think ill of yourself or feel bad or hurt. I’m not going to tell you that you that words can’t harm. What I am going to tell you is that there is always hope. It may be hard to see and until quite recently I would have dismissed the notion as pure folly. Sometimes things change to something better than you ever thought was possible. Sometimes someone can awaken something inside that you didn’t even know was there and you attain a higher plane within yourself somehow in their presence. There is hope. I know that now, and I believe someday you will know it too.
Like you, I want to be loved too (at least I infer that because you say you’ve always wanted a girlfriend), but that kind of love is such a powerful emotion that it needs to be planted and grown. There’s effort and commitment required and it may not happen right away. It isn’t always about having a girlfriend either as just the companionship of a friend who you feel a deep connection with and are comfortable being around can do wonders. I do have a steadily growing crush on this friend of mine, for she is a resplendent, transcendent soul and I’ve never known anyone who could affect me so much. I would welcome it growing into more, but we’ll see what the future holds (even though the concept of a future seemed rather hopeless not that long ago).
You too have hope. I know it. You will find it someday. First things first though is you have to stop carving canyons into yourself. It may help initially, but it doesn’t help overall. It’s like alcohol or any other thing that makes the pain go away for a while. It is only temporary. It doesn’t cure anything and mustn’t for that reason become a dependency. I’m not saying you have to stop altogether, but please don’t hurt yourself like that. My self-esteem is pretty bad much of the time too and I know it can be extremely hard sometimes but the more respect you have for yourself, the easier it is for others to have that respect too.
I sincerely wish the best for you. It may take time, but the best things in life always do.
There are, unfortunately, some people on this site who are very unhelpful and don’t understand your cries for help. I’ve learned that through my own posts, and it only makes me want to go more. But, we just gotta remember that and only take to heart the comments of those who we can relate to and who don’t want you to hurt or be alone.
I’ll always support you and never encourage you to hurt anymore than you already hurt inside. I think we’re both at our breaking points and people are taking advantage of that to make us hurt and make themselves feel freakishly better that we’re suffering more than them. Block those people. You came here to talk and get help, not be put down, so block those people out who aren’t helpful to you. Sending you all my loves and hugs…. <3