I know that believing in destiny, fate, or God is somewhat magical thinking which is a symptom of various mental illnesses. But, I believe that destiny brought us together. I believe that life is full of magic and love is one of those magical beliefs. So, why is it so wrong for me to believe that it was our destiny to meet, to fall in love? Why is it so wrong to believe that when you meet the love of your life, you believe it was destiny and that you’ll only find that one love of your life only once within your lifetime?
I love you, Sadie. And I know that it’s so wrong to still love you three years after we broke up. Especially since we only dated for 3 months. I know it’s ridiculous to still love you, but I also know that time is relative. So, why do I feel so wrong for still loving you?
I would give up all of my dreams to only be able to sit across from you again, to sit beside you, to touch you, to feel more than just your physical presence. You are the one that got away.
Why is it wrong to believe that you were perfect? I know that perfection does not exist, that everyone has their imperfections. But, to me what you believed to be an imperfection was only another facet that manifested your perfection. Isn’t beauty in the eye of the beholder? Why is it okay to believe that, but it’s not okay to believe that you were perfect? In my eyes, you were perfect for me; like, God presented you as only half of a jigsaw puzzle and I was the other half; and together we were perfection.
All I want in life is to be with you, but I am denied this and it breaks my heart. I wish I could talk with you. I wish I could look into your eyes again. I would give my soul to the devil, if he existed, to only be able to talk with you, to look into your eyes, to bare my soul to you.
All of my posts to this site are messages in a bottle thrown into an immeasurable sea; messages that will never find you. I wish there was some way to talk with you. I would give up the idea, the dream of being your romantic partner to talk with you. I would resign myself to only being friends with you to have you in my life. I would hide my love for you to only be friends.
I miss you so dearly, Sadie.
3 comments
I’ve read most of your other posts and you seem very intelligent and are quite eloquent in writing, you articulate your feelings well. I’m sorry for your heartbreak, your feelings of loss are a reflection of how much you care about her, which exposes a lot about your character. Give yourself time to grieve, don’t jump into anything for the sake of trying to fill any gaps in your life. Forgiveness is the quintessence of getting over anything, and I don’t mean that as in forgetting her, but learning to accept that she is in the past. Wishing you the best
I know the feeling, Nomad, all too well. And as far as it being “wrong” or “not ok” to feel what you feel, and think what you think–bullocks to that. Feel what you want to feel. If you believe she was perfect, to you she was/is. My guy is perfect for me. I don’t hesitate to say that to anyone. I dont care what they think.
We went out a year, and have been broken up 7 months. I intend to get him back in my life.
We get in life what we believe we are. If you believe you are broken hearted, that is what you will remain. If you believe she is the one for you, and she is yours, then she will come back. (Assuming she’s still in this world!) It could take a long time. It’s hard to hang onto the idea that the person who’s not in your arms is still in your life but if you want to change your future, if you want to get your heart’s desire, the only way to do it is to believe Right Now that you HAVE it now.
Sounds strange, I know. But it’s the only hope I have. Because like you, I know I found the big one, and I’m not prepared to live w/out him. Ain’t happening. I’ll die before i will give up.
Deep within myself, I hope to some day rekindle a relationship with her, even if it’s only a platonic relationship. I tell myself that I’ll contact her in 10 years, hoping that she’s forgiven me, hoping that she is no longer terrified of me. Daily, I write mental letters to her, explaining what happened to me and why I fell into a state of psychosis; but, in all honesty, I know that she wants nothing to do with me; I know that she’s forgotten me, that all she remembers of me are the last couple of weeks of our contact, after she broke up with me when I became a “monster,” someone to be feared(I never threatened her or became violent, I just sent many “bizarre” emails…the type that someone in psychosis would send).
I would give up everything just to be friends with her, to be able to talk with her, to see her smile again, to hear her laugh again, to smell her again, to hug her again. I’ve heard that in a true relationship one never reaches the point when “enough is enough.” In that light everything that I would give up to have her in my life again would be inconsequential.